


rosebuds

by Cygrus



Category: Free!
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, First Time, Getting Together, M/M, Mild Angst, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-02
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-20 21:10:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3665127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cygrus/pseuds/Cygrus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Because I like you, obviously. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because I think that you and I are meant to be together.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because you’re the only one I want.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	rosebuds

“What would you do if I kissed you right now?”

All was silent in the room, save for the beating of his heart. The sun was already setting, the rays filtering in through the library’s windows, an orange hue painting the table tops in vibrant colors and warming their skin. Another boy, one with the most gorgeous smile Kisumi had ever laid eyes on, sat across from him.

He had gone wide-eyed at Kisumi’s question, an embarrassed squeak passing through his lips as a brilliant blush dusted his cheeks. The grip he had on his math book tightened, and he could only stare ahead of him, probably still processing what Kisumi had said. A few dreadful beats passed before he put the book down, laughing, though it sounded more nervous than anything. Kisumi hadn’t been joking around, but if that’s what he wanted to think, then so be it.

“Kisumi? What are you saying?”

The way that Makoto spoke showed just how uneasy he was. His voice trembled, as did his fingers, his tone filled with uncertainty. Kisumi stayed quiet, his chin in his palm, watching Makoto closely, the only noise in the room the ticking of the wall clock’s hands and an awful ringing in his ears.

Before the atmosphere surrounding them grew worse, he beamed at Makoto, reached across the table to shove at his shoulder. Makoto yelped, and Kisumi laughed, sticking his tongue out playfully, giving the other boy a wink.

“Geez, what are you so worried about? Did you really think I wanted to kiss you?”

A sharp pain went through his heart.

“Makoto, you’re so silly… That was a pickup line I plan on using for one of our classmates. Do you think it’ll work~?”

“Ah…” The obvious relief that overcame Makoto’s expression only served to make the pain grow worse. Still, Kisumi smiled. “Don’t scare me like that, Kisumi… And I don’t know. You probably know better, right-- Wait! This is only our first year in middle school! Shouldn’t you save stuff like that for… For at _least_ the second year…?”

Makoto’s words settled the pain, letting it dissolve as he snorted. How naive… They were close enough-- Only a month left until then, actually. Standing, the legs of his chair scraping against the tile floor, Kisumi flounced over to stand behind Makoto. Wrapping his arms around the other boy’s neck, he giggled, nuzzling against him.

“Makoto! You’re so pure, so innocent! How cute~.”

“ _Kisumi…!_ ”

On that day, they laughed together as Makoto weakly struggled in Kisumi’s hold. Only stopping when one of the teachers scolded them, they both still smiled to themselves. Kisumi loved those moments together, for they felt perfect, and all he would ever do was cherish them and hold them close to his heart. There were parts he wanted to change, he knew that, but he wouldn’t say a thing. He couldn’t ruin what he had with Makoto for the sake of his own feelings.

He told himself that, but still, it hurt.

\--

The sound of sneakers squeaking against the court reverberated against the gym’s walls, his heart pounding from both the game and the crowd cheering him on. Managing to glance at the time left, he smiled to himself, ran forward and set up the perfect shot. Before anyone could block him, he flung the ball forward, watching as it hit the rim and rounded it before falling in with a swish.

Yells surrounded him, and the hands of his teammates were all over him moments later, some of them even crying. It wasn’t like it was a huge win; they had accomplished such feats before. Still, he couldn’t keep himself from laughing along with them, the thrill of victory making the blood coursing through his veins run hot.

The coach had said something about a celebratory dinner, and all the boys lit up, Kisumi having to wonder if they were more elated at the win or from knowing they were getting free food. Making their way to the locker room, Kisumi felt a small tug on the back of his jersey, and he stopped. A girl he recognized from his class stood behind him, her eyes lowered, not saying anything. The rest of the team easily caught on, and they all gave Kisumi a grin, throwing him a thumbs up as they continued on.

“Shigino-kun,” she started, her cheeks as red as apples, “Congratulations.”

“Thanks! I looked cool out there, didn’t I?”

At his response, she smiled up at him, her eyes shining as she enthusiastically agreed. “You did…! You were amazing!”

Kisumi returned the smile, then leaned against the wall with a brow quirked up. He knew good and well what she was there for, and the thought made his stomach twist. “So… Did you want something?”

“Ah…” She trailed off, folding her hands together in front of her as she fidgeted. Her hair was brown… A wave of guilt nestled in him as his thoughts returned to a certain boy. “I just… Shigino-kun--”

“Did you know that you have really pretty eyes?” He hadn’t wanted to interrupt her, but he wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle the weight of her words. “They’re a very rich color!”

Anything she was saying had died at that, her jaw hanging open for a few moments before she was beaming. “Thank you! No one has ever said that before!”

“Oh, really? That’s too bad~. They’re missing out on complementing such a pretty girl-- Oh, I’m sorry. I have to go get changed, but I’ll see you in class on Monday?”

“Y-yes!”

They shared a smile before Kisumi left her behind, his heart pounding as he managed to make it to the locker room’s door. Leaning his forehead against the surface, he took in a deep breath, held it, then let it all out again. That was a close one… He had let the conversation go on for too long.

When he entered the room, he was greeted with huge smiles, questions of how it went. He didn’t give an answer, instead opting to shrug his shoulders, leaving them with wonders that they’d never figure out. With a light laugh and wave of his hand at their weak glares, he changed out of his sweaty uniform and into his regular clothes, leaving the locker room behind a few minutes later.

The dinner sounded heavenly, it really did, but his stomach still hadn’t settled, butterflies flitting their way around in it. Following behind the team, trying to push the encounter with the girl out of his head, he paused when they turned the corner. His heart immediately jumped when he saw who sat on one of the hallway benches, and all worry seemed to wash away.

Lifting his eyes from his lap, Makoto gave Kisumi a smile, the one that had captivated him so. The rest of the team passed by Makoto without a care, but Kisumi stopped following behind them, telling the others to go on without him. They nodded, and left them alone.

“You came~,” he cooed, taking a seat by the boy. “So? How was it? Did I look cool?”

Laughing, Makoto nodded, folding his hands together in his lap. “You did. Scoring the winning shot must be a lot of fun.”

“It is!”

Carrying a conversation with Makoto was an easy task, and it was something that always served to brighten his day, no matter the circumstances. So, when the other boy went quiet, an expression of discontent on his features, Kisumi’s stomach did a little twist. Scooting closer, he pressed their shoulders together, silently asking Makoto what was wrong.

Much to his relief, Makoto began to speak. “That girl… She was going to say she liked you, wasn’t she?”

Ah. Feeling his palms grow sweaty, unease overtaking him, Kisumi looked away, staring at the wall in front of them. Posters from various clubs littered the board hanging there. Most of them were probably ages old now.

“I think so... “

“Why did you cut her off?”

His heart jolted at the question and he looked to Makoto with wide eyes. He didn’t think it had been that obvious… For Makoto to see right through him… He didn’t know how to feel about it. His mind raced with various excuses, but none sounded right, and only left him feeling dizzy as his real thoughts began to surface and float around.

_Because I like you, obviously._

_Because I think that you and I are meant to be together._

_Because you’re the only one I want._

“Because… Well, I’m a school heart throb, aren’t I? I can’t start dating someone and risk losing my title! Geez, Makoto, don’t you know that by now?”

Wrapping an arm around Makoto’s shoulders, Kisumi grinned, hopeful that what he said was convincing enough. Makoto only stared in bewilderment, jaw a bit slack.

“But--”

“And besides, I’m already in _looove_ with you!”

Pursing his lips into a kissy face, he began to lean in closer, his heart fluttering when he heard Makoto squeal and laugh as he fought to get away. Pressing a hand to Kisumi’s chest, Makoto shook his head, wearing an exasperated smile that looked beautiful on him.

“Geez, Kisumi…! Be a little more mindful! If anyone heard that, I’d have your fans out for my neck!”

“Hehe, sorry, sorry~.”

They were only in their second year of middle school, still only children with innocence intact. Neither understood the hardships they would face as they continued growing, and at that moment, neither cared, just happy to be together for the time being. Living in the present was their priority.

Makoto stood after Kisumi had left him go, and Kisumi followed suit, tilting his head and shoving his hands into his pockets. He had to catch up with the team, but… He didn’t want to leave Makoto’s side, either.

“Kisumi, do you want to come over to my place?” His words were like angels singing. “I bought this new video game, and Haru said he was busy tonight, so…”

“Huh? I won’t get to see Haru? Aww…”

“You see him every day! Cut him slack~.”

Sharing a laugh, Kisumi gave his agreement, the team dinner completely vanishing from his thoughts. As they left the school together, he only remembered when he saw one of his teammates, and he called out to the other, stating he had urgent business to attend to. Though he didn’t seem convinced, he let Kisumi go anyways.

“You had other plans? I’m sorry--”

Before Makoto could finish, Kisumi cut him off, shaking his head. “It wasn’t that big of a deal. I’d rather hang out with you, anyways.”

That night, he ate a meal with Makoto’s family, played with his little siblings, and wore Makoto’s clothes for pajamas. Starting the game up, some fantasy RPG that Kisumi didn’t recognize the name of, they absorbed themselves into it for hours, neither noticing when the clock hit midnight.

Finally turning off the game station, their eyes aching from staring at the screen for too long, Kisumi crawled into the futon that Makoto’s mother had laid out for him, and watched as Makoto climbed into his own bed. He snuggled under the covers, peacefully sighing as his eyes closed. In the dark, Kisumi could hardly see the other boy, but knowing he was there made his heart pound, the ringing in his ears returning.

“Goodnight, Kisumi.”

“...Goodnight, Makoto.”

Even when an hour had passed, he still felt wide awake. Crickets were chirping outside, the whir of the air conditioner filled the home, but the sound of Makoto’s breathing overpowered any other noise. He seemed so peaceful when he was asleep… It was an odd thought for Kisumi to have, he knew that, but he couldn’t help himself.

This wasn’t the first time he had been over to Makoto’s house, but it _was_ the first time he had ever stayed the night. Eyes peeled open, staring straight up at the ceiling, he grimaced. Hoisting himself up, his heart beating softly, nervously, he turned his gaze to Makoto. He looked as cute as he always did, and in that moment, it somehow felt like a curse.

Pulling his knees against his chest, Kisumi pressed his cheek against them, stared for a while as the events of that day replayed in his mind. The tense atmosphere of the game, the fall he suffered that still made his elbow ache, how happy he had been when he had spotted Makoto.

Scoring the winning shot, the girl stopping him on his way to the locker room, the almost confession. The fact that Makoto had seen, had heard… Burying his face into his arms, he quietly groaned, cheeks burning.

That girl was kind; a star student, part of the track team, a lovely sight… Going out with her would have been something easy, but there would have been no point. He knew it wouldn’t be fair to her, because he would hold her hand and think of Makoto, he’d kiss her and think of Makoto, he’d flirt with and flatter her and he would still think of Makoto.

Crushes were truly awful. He had read a lot about them in teen magazines he saw at the convenience stores, he had seen too many happy ends in movies… It wasn’t so easy. Flirting, that was simple, and it was something he was good at. His heart never pounded relentlessly against his ribcage, there was never an awful ringing in his ears… _Almost_ never.

Complimenting girls and strangers was no big deal. Trying to use the same tactics on Makoto, though… It never worked.

Lifting his head, eyes now adjusted to the dim lighting in the room, Kisumi turned to look at the other boy again. He looked so peaceful, so vulnerable… Pursing his lips, Kisumi crawled out from the futon’s blanket and moved closer, a voice in his head telling him that this was a bad idea.

He was young, though. He could still spare some bad thoughts.

On his knees at Makoto’s bedside, he leaned down, the ends of Makoto’s hair tickling his nose and cheeks. His breath hitched when Makoto shifted, face scrunching up. Staying as still as possible, not even breathing, he watched Makoto wiggle under his covers before he relaxed again. Kisumi’s heart calmed ever so slightly, knowing that his chance was now.

The kiss was a short one, and really, it was only a pathetic peck to Makoto’s cheek. That was all he could muster up the courage for, his heart racing as he pulled back. He wasn’t sure how badly he was blushing, but when he was staring down at the still sleeping Makoto, he scrambled back to the futon without a second thought and buried himself under the covers, nearly suffocating.

Never again, he thought.

\--

“What would you do if I kissed you right now?”

Holding to personal promises wasn’t something he was good at.

A beautiful day for graduation, the sun was shining high in the sky, the rays coming in through the windows. Cherry blossom tree petals flitted by on a gentle breeze, and emotions were running higher than usual. Sure, it was just the third years moving onto high school, settling on a low tier as first years, but it was still exciting, and everyone had been talking nonstop about it.

Kisumi was excited too, of course, but all the talking his classmates did managed to wear him out. To escape the commotion, just for a little while, he had found an empty classroom to take shelter in. He’d go talk more with everyone later, but there was something important he had to tend to. Something that heavily involved a certain boy.

Makoto stood in silence after the question, staring out the open window. He looked beautiful in the sunlight, and the breeze blew the curtains to where they floated near him. The sight made Kisumi’s heart flutter, but he tried to shake the feeling off, patiently waiting for Makoto to say something. He was positive that it would probably just go the same way as it did the first time he had asked. Lowering his gaze to the floor, he jutted his lower lip out.

Finally, Makoto heaved out a sigh, which prompted him to lift his head. The weak glare that Makoto wore towards him made a laugh bubble up inside his chest, but he held it in, not wanting to the upset the other boy.

“Didn’t you say something like that in our first year…? Geez, Kisumi… I thought you were going to use that on a classmate of yours…”

“Ahh, well…” Trailing off, he began to think of a flurry of different excuses, none of them exactly sounding right. “It didn’t work too well on her… So I want to try it again! Tell me, Makoto… Am I charming you right now~?”

Makoto wore an exasperated smile as he shook his head. “You’re embarrassing me more than anything, Kisumi.”

“Aww, come on~.”

After sharing a short laugh, they both went quiet. From where he sat on the desk, feet propped up in the chair in front of him, Kisumi had a perfect view of the school courtyard below them. Classmates he recognized bounced about, most wearing broad smiles, but there were some in the crowd that cried as they hugged upperclassmen, saying their goodbyes.

...Goodbyes, huh…

“You and I…” He trailed off, waiting for Makoto to look his way. “We may never see each other again.”

At first, Makoto said nothing, seemingly surprised by Kisumi’s words. Then, he smiled softly, shaking his head. “No, no. I’m sure that isn’t true… Kisumi, it isn’t like you to be so negative.”

“I’m not being negative,” he grumbled, huffing as he put on a pout. “I’m just thinking, you know? We’re going to different schools-- There’s a fifty-fifty chance, right? I’ll be sad if I can’t see you again.”

Heartbroken, actually.

“Well… I’d be sad, too. You’re someone important to me, after all.”

His words helped to make Kisumi feel a bit better, but the pain still lingered. When he had first heard that Makoto was going to a different school from him, his stomach had dropped and his heart had twisted, but he put on a smile anyways, not wanting to worry his friend. He congratulated Makoto, and Haruka as well, but he still somehow hoped it was a bad dream.

It was only later that he realized he was probably just being too dramatic for a middle schooler. They were going to different schools, big deal. It wasn’t the end of the world on either of their parts. It was just another part of life. Friends came and went, and this would be no different.

In Kisumi’s eyes, though… Makoto _was_ different. If this was the last time they would ever be together… He wanted to give Makoto something to at least remember him by. Leaning forward and putting his elbows on his knees, Kisumi smiled at the other, heart racing.

“Hey, Makoto… We part ways after today. We’ll be growing up really fast, so I have a question~.”

“...Something about your tone is scaring me…”

Giggling, Kisumi shook his head. “You’re _always_ scared, Makoto!”

“I’m not--”

“Anyways!” Cutting him off, Kisumi tilted his head, brows quirked up as he ignored his pounding heart. “Makoto, are you a first kiss virgin?”

“...Kissing again…?”

“Answer me~. It’s a big deal, you know? Being a first kiss virgin before going into high school… You’ll be mocked!”

Tensing up at that, Makoto grimaced, beginning to fidget where he stood. “W-what about you, then…?”

“I’m not!” It was a lie.

Groaning quietly, Makoto looked to his feet, his lips drawn into a thin line. He was definitely at his cutest when he was so flustered. “Will… Will people really mock me…?”

Kisumi felt bad, purposely scaring the other boy, but… “Well, it won’t be _awful_ or anything… Still, though, you’d like to play it safe, right?

“Play it safe…?”

Kisumi’s voice cracked when he tried to speak again, and he assumed it was from how nervous he had begun to feel. Brushing it off and hoping that Makoto hadn’t noticed, he wore a coy grin and nodded, putting a finger to his lips. “Let me help you, Makoto~.”

It took a few moments for Makoto to catch on, and the wait was agonizing. Kisumi did his best to play it casual, hiding any fear he felt behind his smile. He was positive that he had done a good job, but the way that Makoto stared at him made him begin to wilt. At the rate it was going, he would suffer a heart attack, and that would be the tragedy of Shigino Kisumi. A young, gay boy who died on his middle school graduation day, all because he had a silly crush.

Suddenly, though, Makoto’s faced bloomed into a blush that matched no other Kisumi had ever seen before. Lowering his gaze until his eyes were hidden by his bangs, the words he was trying to say breaking as he got them out, he fidgeted. Kisumi watched, finding the display to be utterly adorable and terrifying all at once.

“Why me, though… You could help anyone you wanted, but--”

“Because you’re my friend, obviously! I don’t want to meet in the future and you still be a first kiss virgin who has been shunned by the school society!”

Parting his lips, Makoto lifted his head again, their eyes meeting and making Kisumi’s entire body grow warm. The blush on Makoto’s cheeks reached all the way to the tips of his ears, and he looked so… So enticing. Kisumi wanted nothing more than to hold him close at that point.

“Then… Okay…”

An agreement wasn’t something Kisumi had expected. He was positive that Makoto was going to brush it off as a joke, and they’d leave it at that. Eye widening, his mouth went dry, and he was at a total loss for words. He swallowed thickly, positive that a blush of his own had bloomed, and nodded, watching as Makoto stepped forward.

The closer he got, the more Kisumi’s dread grew. He hadn’t expected for his plan to go _this_ far-- He’d try to woo Makoto, Makoto would laugh his flirting off as him just being his normal self, and they’d go join everyone else right after. Makoto agreeing threw everything off, and Kisumi didn’t know if he liked that or not, but he _did_ know that his nerves were absolutely shot. Curling his fingers until his nails cut into the palms of his hands, he waited.

When Makoto stood in front of him, Kisumi having to tilt his head up to meet his intensely nervous eyes, wondering if he should have gotten off the desk, his heart jumped when Makoto began to lean over. His eyes fluttered closed, and Kisumi decided that he couldn’t bear to look anymore. Squeezing his own eyes shut, he tilted his head and reached up, putting his hands on the back of Makoto’s neck to gently pull him forward.

What came next felt like a dream, like something that couldn’t possibly be his reality. Kisumi had been told before that first kisses tasted like cherries, but there was no flavor. Instead, a spark flickered in his heart as their lips pressed together, a sigh leaving Makoto as his hands rested on Kisumi’s waist. The breeze that blew in through the windows had a bit of a chill to it, but Kisumi felt as if he were on fire.

He shouldn’t have had expectations, but Makoto’s lips were softer than he had imagined. There was a hint of shyness there, but at the same time, something bolder lingered behind those nerves. Heart clenching, he slipped his arms further around Makoto’s neck, pressing further into the kiss. Makoto returned it, and though it was fairly obvious to both that neither had a clue as to what they were doing, they didn’t want to stop. Kisumi didn’t want to lose this feeling.

It had to end at some point, though. Pulling away from each other, their eyes half lidded, Kisumi put on a smile that was more bashful than he had intended. Makoto returned it, stayed still before he moved away from Kisumi’s grasp, clasping his hands behind his back as he looked elsewhere in the room.

“Um…”

“Th-that’s it,” he murmured, cursing himself for the small stutter. “Now you can tell people that you’ve kissed someone very pretty!”

When Makoto laughed, Kisumi felt his heart warm up, and he got down from the desk, putting a hand on his friend’s shoulder and squeezing. Sharing another smile, they both headed down to the courtyard, Makoto saying something about wanting to find Haruka. Kisumi had hardly heard him, caught up in a daze that he was sure wouldn’t be going away anytime soon.

For the rest of that day, they played around, enjoyed what little time they had left together. Just as some of the others had done, Kisumi said goodbye to his underclassmen, his teammates mostly. Once he was done passing on the title of basketball team captain to a sniffling boy, he laughed and pet him on the head, telling him to be prideful of his new position. Like that, everything seemed to end too quickly.

“Well…” Trailing off, he looked to his feet, a forlorn smile on his lips. Standing across from Haruka and Makoto, he breathed in quietly before lifting his head. “I hope to see you two soon. Do well as high schoolers~.”

“Mm. Thank you, Kisumi.”

“Yeah…”

Haruka was as quiet as ever, and knowing that they wouldn’t be around each other every day from then on made Kisumi’s heart begin to ache again. Looking from him to Makoto, he put on a wide grin, one that hopefully hid the sorrow he was feeling. Waving softly, he turned, knowing that if he didn’t leave now, it’d be harder to later.

“Kisumi?”

Makoto calling out to him made him go still. Looking back to him, he raised a brow. “What’s up?”

“...We’ll meet again.”

His words made Kisumi gasp quietly to himself, and they repeated themselves in his mind. Staring back at Makoto, he finally gave a weak, tiny nod, feeling tears spring to the corners of his eyes. Before either of the boys could see them, he said goodbye again and took off down the street, heading for home as fast as his feet would carry him.

Once he was inside his home, he had to lean against the front door, vaguely hearing his mother welcome him back. Taking in a deep breath, he looked down as his baby brother toddled over to greet him, a huge smile on the boy’s face. Leaning down to press a kiss to Hayato’s head, Kisumi moved past him, throwing himself onto his bed as soon as he was alone in his room.

The day had been eventful, and it left him feeling absolutely exhausted. His lips still tingled from the kiss, his heart still pounded from the run home, from Makoto’s words. Feeling tears begin to spill over and slide down his cheeks, he buried his face into the pillow, wilting against the mattress.

_“We’ll meet again.”_

God, he hoped so.

\--

Life in high school wasn’t too much different from that of his middle school years. The only thing that had truly changed was his uniform, and if one were to ask, he’d say he looked pretty damn good in it. Something new, something refreshing.

...Well, that wasn’t all that had changed. Friends from his old school had decided to attend the same new one as him, but when someone certain wasn’t there… It was terribly selfish, he knew that. Wishing that Makoto could be there with him, it only served to bring him down, but he didn’t have the time to be thinking like that. First year high schooler, Shigino Kisumi, was done with his middle school crush. He was ready to put it all behind him and move on.

Except, he wasn’t. Not at all, not even close.

His first year passed by as if it were a breeze. In that time, his name became something a bit larger around the school, and it had required very minimal effort from him. A basketball hot shot who could woo women while barely lifting a finger. All the same, he became known as a heartbreaker, turning down every girl who worked up the courage to ask for a chance with him.

It wasn’t like it was _his_ fault that he wasn’t interested in the girls. He had only ever been charmed by Makoto-- Well, him and and some male model that his mother was fond of. He didn’t think that one counted, though. In his heart, he knew that Makoto was the only one, and they hadn’t even seen each other for a year.

And then, another year.

It was something awful, really. A third year high schooler who hadn’t once dated, and had only received _one_ kiss in his entire lifetime. Some would consider it pathetic, but Kisumi thought it was a true showing of just how devoted he could be.

...Well, he _also_ thought it to be pretty pathetic.

Matters were only made worse when his mother signed Hayato up for classes at the new swim club. He was proud of his brother, of course, but remembering Makoto’s passion for the sport back in middle school… He thought it unfair that he was still plagued with thoughts of a crush he hadn’t seen in so long.

“Hayato!”

Stepping into the building, he watched as his little brother turned his head, putting on a smile that could melt any heart. The boy ran over to him, calling his name and wrapping his small arms around his waist in a hug. With a smile of his own, Kisumi looked down at him, but all felt still a moment later.

“Kisumi…”

Lifting his head, he felt like his heart had stopped completely. He was met with a familiar gaze, one that still had an incredible effect on him, even after all the time that had passed. Makoto had… He had really matured.

“Shigino Kisumi?!”

\--

Life had changed in a single instant, it seemed. The night after they met again, Kisumi spent most of his time in bed, reliving the middle school memories while wearing a dopey grin. His mother had said something about him looking as if his head were in the clouds, and she wasn’t too far off. All felt right in the world. There wasn’t anything missing anymore.

The two of them weren’t able to see each other often. Not long after their reunion at the swim club, Makoto stopped working there, much to Kisumi’s chagrin. Still, it wasn’t like Makoto was totally gone again. Just a little busy.

When they had heard about Iwatobi advancing to nationals, Hayato had begged Kisumi to take him there, and Kisumi didn’t hesitate in his agreement. After all, so many friends of his were competing. He had to be there to cheer them on, and there was no way he was going to pass up a chance like this.

Iwatobi didn’t make it out on top, but they all wore radiant smiles, weeped with one another. Even Haruka did the same, and Kisumi watched with a fond heart, feeling as if he would start crying himself. After the tournament was over, the brothers ran to meet up with Makoto’s team, Hayato going as far as to hug his former coach.

“Hayato? Kisumi! You were both here?” Makoto was elated at the surprise, and Kisumi grinned with a nod of his head.

“That’s right. We were here to give our support~. You all looked amazing out there!”

“Thank you…!”

They weren’t given much time to talk, Makoto being pulled away by his team. That was fine, though. Luck seemed to be on Kisumi’s side, after all.

A few times after that, they were able to meet up, and it was usually by pure circumstance that they did. Running into each other while shopping, they would go out to eat, enjoy their time together and share stories of their high school days, or relived memories of the their middle school years. Although it hung in the back of mind, Kisumi never brought up the kiss they had shared.

Well, _almost_ never. It was during a coincidental get together that he almost let it slip out, not even thinking about the consequences if Sousuke and Haruka were to hear about it.

“Oh, right, Makoto too, when we were in class back in middle school, to me he--”

“Ah! Don’t bring that up!”

Stopping himself, Kisumi moved on with ease, not lingering on the subject for too long. They made no mention of it afterwards, only parting ways again, though Kisumi did turn his head once to watch Makoto go. It had been wrong of him to almost let that secret spill, but he had gotten too caught up in the moment, he supposed.

The way that Makoto had so frantically interrupted him, though… Perhaps the memory that was so precious to Kisumi was one that Makoto didn’t want to relive. Kisumi wouldn’t blame him for that, because it was understandable, but still, it hurt.

\--

“I’m going to Tokyo after graduation.”

The words rang in his ears and his heart swelled up as he looked to Makoto. Luck really _was_ on his side, and he felt like it couldn’t get any better. “You are? That’s great! Me too! I got scouted~.”

“Ah, really? Congratulations!”

The arrangement wasn’t going to be exactly like middle school, but it was close enough. Even Haruka was going-- The puzzle pieces were falling into place, it felt, but Kisumi knew that life was too sporadic for that to be true. Nothing was set in stone.

When graduation passed, Kisumi set off to the city with high hopes, ready to start the new stage in his life. Having been scouted for his basketball skills, he eagerly accepted the offer he was given, glad that he would be able to continue playing the sport he adored.

And, of course, Makoto being near him was also a plus. Their universities weren’t too far apart from one another, nor were their apartments. Visiting became something easy, and like that, a year passed, their friendship growing stronger as each day went by.

More than often, Kisumi would find himself in Makoto’s apartment, lounging around as they did school work together. Sometimes, Haruka would join them, but he would usually pass it up, say he had other things to do.

“It’s because I’m here~,” Kisumi would sigh, leaning against Makoto with a hurt expression. Makoto would only laugh and pat his back.

“It’s not that. Haru’s just a busy person.”

“If you say so~.”

Days like those were comfortable ones. Being able to spend time with Makoto, something they hadn’t really been able to do since middle school… It was nostalgic, fun, and served to really solidify the feelings that Kisumi had never lost for him.

Every little thing Makoto did, from trying to cook a proper dinner to wearing his reading glasses to chewing on the eraser of his pencil, Kisumi was totally captivated by him, often finding himself distracted from whatever school work he was trying to work on. What he felt for Makoto was still just as deep as it had been in middle school, maybe deeper.

In the long run, though, he knew that his feelings didn’t mean a whole lot. His relationship with Makoto was at a comfortable point, and he didn’t want to lose what they had all because he sometimes imagined them holding hands. He’d stay as quiet as possible, try to not be completely obvious. He thought he had done fairly well at that so far.

Well, save for that one time at the cake shop. It had been a while back, yes, but he could still remember clearly how Makoto had stopped him from saying anything… It was enough to tell him that the other was probably ashamed of what they had done all those years ago. Sure, he had never brought it up after that, but...

“Ahh, that movie was terrifying… Thanks for seeing it with me, Kisumi.”

The weather was as one would expect for December; absolutely miserable. Standing outside the theater together, Kisumi pulled his scarf tighter around his neck, his knees quivering. Christmas was getting closer, and most everyone he knew had plans to return home and spend the holidays with their families, both him and Makoto included.

Before that happened, though, they wanted to spend at least a little more time together. They had tried to include Haruka in their plans, but the poor guy was busy again, apparently. The life of an aspiring professional swimmer seemed like a tough one.

Kisumi didn’t have much room to say anything. Really, he probably would have been better off if he spent more of his time practicing, but how could he do that when such a handsome man wanted his company?

Flashing a broad smile, he nodded. “No problem~. It _was_ scary, huh? I especially liked when the demon--” He paused for effect, creeping closer to Makoto with a devilish grin. Makoto stepped back, his expression shifting into something more nervous. Perfect opportunity. Jumping forward, Kisumi threw his arms around him with a laugh. “Ate the helpless girl all up! How sad! How tragic!”

Yelping and stumbling backwards at the sudden impact, Makoto managed to regain his footing and let out a whine. “Kisumi! Don’t talk about it, geez…!”

“She was such a pure girl, too… So kind, so caring… She reminded me of you~.”

“Huh…?”

“Makoto… Could that mean you’re next?!”

“Please don’t say stuff like that!”

Making his escape from Kisumi’s hold, Makoto jogged a bit of a ways down the sidewalk. Kisumi followed with a laugh, running into Makoto’s back and resting his chin on the man’s shoulder. “Aw, don’t worry, Makoto~. I don’t think you’ll die anytime soon~.”

“If you keep talking like that, you might jinx me… What if something awful happens now? What if the plane crashes on my way back to Iwatobi?”

Raising an eyebrow, Kisumi snorted and shook his head, moving to walk alongside Makoto as they made their way to the train station. “Wow, you really do overthink things, don’t you? I’m impressed.”

“Ugh, shut up… My stomach hurts now…”

“Aw~.”

The train ride was a short one, and when they stepped off at their destination, they began their journey back to their respective apartments. Evening had set in, all the lights in the shop windows turned on. Festive colors of greens and reds glittered all around them, decorations of snowmen and elves littered the insides of the stores.

He’d still have to get Hayato a gift. He could surely find something the boy would like, and if he didn’t, candy would most likely suffice. Pausing at one of the windows, he peered in, looking for a suitable present. Makoto stood behind him silently, waited for him to finish, and smiled when Kisumi stood straight again with a sigh.

“I shouldn’t have waited to do my Christmas shopping… Have you gotten gifts for Ran and Ren yet?”

“I have. Ran wanted a new backpack, and Ren wanted a video game, so it was pretty easy…”

“They’ll love those~.”

At the corner where they usually parted ways, Makoto stood still for a few moments, his eyes on the sky. Kisumi waited for him to say something, then followed his gaze, his heart fluttering as he realized what was slowly falling.

“Ahh… It’s so pretty, isn’t it? The snow~.”

“It is,” Makoto agreed quietly, a gentle smile on his lips.

Staring for just a short while, Kisumi turned his head to the other, a warmth settling in his chest, the cold weather becoming less of a bother to him. Makoto’s cheeks and nose were rosy, his lips visibly chapped, and some of the snowflakes fell into his hair before melting away. He was a lovely sight, and knowing that they would be leaving each other within moments put an ache in Kisumi’s chest.

“Hey, Kisumi…”

“Yes?”

Looking to him, Makoto knitted his brows together, a serious expression on his features. It wasn’t one that he wore often, and it made Kisumi’s heart jolt, worry over taking him as he waited for Makoto to speak.

Something was very clearly on his mind, but it seemed as if he didn’t know how to say it. Parting his lips only to close them again, he looked to the ground, as silent as the snow that drifted down around them. The pause was torturous, and when Makoto lifted his head again, he was promptly interrupted by a giggling child running past them, dragging her mother along.

“...I’ll see you in the new year. Tell Hayato I said hi.”

“...Yeah.”

Something was off. Whatever Makoto had wanted to say never came out into the open, his kind words probably disguising what he really had on his mind. Kisumi said nothing on it, though, only watching as Makoto disappeared into the crowd of people. Standing in that same spot for a few moments afterwards, Kisumi heaved out a sigh, his breath leaving him in a foggy cloud.

Well, it was whatever.

\--

Snow wasn’t something foreign to him, and he rather loved it, as it had created fond memories in his life. Snowball fights, leaving school early, helping Hayato build snowmen… Never, though, had it managed to keep him away from his family during the holidays. In a case like that, it wasn’t welcome at all.

“Flights are cancelled…?”

“The runways were iced over last night. We’re very sorry, sir.”

“But it’s Christmas Eve…!” He groaned, turned away from the desk attendant. She was probably just as frustrated as he was, and he didn’t want to take anything out on her. Marching off, he took his cellphone from his pocket, dialing for his mother and telling her the bad news.

She seemed down, but told him not to worry so much, and to enjoy the holidays in Tokyo. Right after, she put Hayato on the phone, the boy sounding tired from how early in the morning it was. They hadn’t seen each other for a while, and Kisumi was beginning to dearly miss his little brother, but it couldn’t be helped.

“Onii-chan isn’t coming home today, okay? I’m sorry Hayato.”

“It’s okay…” The disappointment was evident in his tone, making Kisumi’s heart fall. “But you’ll be back soon, right?”

“I’ll do my best. I won’t let you down, Hayato~. I’m your super awesome big brother, after all! Right?”

“Right!”

On the walk to the station, he listened to Hayato go on about how well he was doing at the swim club, and how his friends often complimented his backstroke. Before they ended the call, the boy told him to say hello to Coach Tachibana, which Kisumi eagerly agreed to. Hanging the phone up, he stepped onto the train, feeling a bit better after talking to the boy.

Him not being able to leave Tokyo meant many things, but one stood out greater from the rest; Makoto couldn’t either. Neither of them would be able to spend Christmas with their families, but that didn’t mean they weren’t allowed to have fun. Taking a seat as the train lurched out of the station, he smiled to himself and looked to his phone screen.

He had an important call to make.

\--

“Kisumi?”

“Hello~. Sorry for dropping in on such short notice~.”

Or, rather, no notice. Stepping into Makoto’s apartment and removing his shoes at the entrance, he easily spotted Haruka sitting under the kotatsu in what looked like two sweaters and a muffler around his neck. Somehow, he still shivered slightly. Poor thing.

“Haru~. You couldn’t leave Tokyo either?”

“Isn’t it obvious…”

Shrugging off his coat, he went over to the other, sitting next to him as he put plastic sacks down on on the tabletop. Makoto joined them shortly after, wearing a smile as usual, but there was a look of confusion in his eyes.

“What is this?” he asked, making Kisumi grin as he pulled the contents from the bag, laying them out.

“I put in a request to a senpai of mine~. None of us are old enough yet, but I still managed to get us beer! Yay~.”

“Ah…”

“I also went to the convenience store and bought a lot of snacks so we can pig out tonight~. Oh, and I got a cake, too! It’s all courtesy of me, so please, enjoy yourselves!”

The stares that both Makoto and Haruka gave him made a pout form on his lips, but he quickly replaced it with a grin instead, running his fingers through his hair as he laughed and reached for one of the bottles. Haruka followed suit, grabbing one for himself, and Makoto was the last, hesitating for a while.

“Thanks, Kisumi, but why…?”

“Because I knew you’d both be down about not being able to go home~. I am too, so I thought, we should have a little party! Isn’t it such a nice idea?”

Both of them seemed unsure, but Haruka caved first, heaving out a sigh. “Thanks…”

“No problem!”

Evening set in, and by that time, all three had become fairly tipsy. None were used to alcohol, so it was understandable, but Kisumi stopped himself at some point, feeling dizzy in the head. Haruka did the same, only sticking to drinking water and eating a bag of chips he had claimed for himself.

Makoto, however, had become a mess, his head lolling off to one side as his eyes opened and closed slowly, his cheeks flushed. It was obvious that he wasn’t the type to hold his alcohol well, and Kisumi felt awful for finding it so amusing. It was probably best that he take a break, though.

Standing to get him a glass of water, Kisumi watched as Haruka got up as well, staggering a bit before shaking his head with a low groan. “What’s up, Haru? You gotta pee?”

“No. I’m going home.”

“What~? You’re drunk, aren’t you? Let’s all just stay here!”

Glaring weakly at Kisumi, he grunted. “It’s _your_ fault I’m drunk. And since I can’t leave Tokyo, I’ll go start up my weekly practice tomorrow--”

“Wow, so serious. What about Makoto, though?”

Turning his head, Haruka grimaced, watching as his friend put on a dopey smile. “I… He’ll fall asleep soon, I think…”

He was probably right, but Kisumi still pouted, making a glass of water for Haru as well. “Just be careful on your way back, alright? Don’t get into any trouble… And don’t slip on any ice, either. If you hurt yourself and couldn’t swim anymore, Rin would kill you!”

Taking the glass from Kisumi and sipping at it, Haruka narrowed his eyes. “Don’t jinx me.”

“Geez, why does everyone think I’m trying to do that…”

Haruka looked confused at that, but Kisumi waved it off, going to Makoto instead and setting the water in front of him. Taking the glass into his hands, he put his lips to the rim, tipping his head back as some of the water trickled down his chin. He was a little shaky, but not awful.

“I’ll make sure he’s fine,” Kisumi murmured, smiling fondly at the drunken mess of a man. “You go ahead, Haru. You’re going pro, after all~. You need proper sleep!”

Silent for a few moments, Haruka looked between the two of them, his lips parted. “...Kisumi--”

“Hm?”

He seemed ready to say something, but hesitated, then shook his head, holding in whatever was on his mind. “Nevermind… I’ll be going, then. Makoto, I’ll text you later.”

Giving a weak wave and a quiet apology, Makoto said goodbye in return, and they both watched as Haruka slipped on his shoes and left the apartment, the door clicking closed on his way out. As soon as he was gone, Kisumi sighed, turning back to Makoto. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have had you drink so much~.”

“I’m not that bad… Just dizzy…”

“You’re wearing a silly grin, you know.”

“Am I…?”

Giggling, Kisumi nodded, then took a drink from his own glass. He still felt a bit tipsy himself, but it wasn’t unbearable. Once he was of age… He figured that stuff like this would become pretty regular. Going out for drinks with Haruka and Makoto sounded like a good time.

With the alcohol stored away in the fridge, Makoto began to sober up bit by bit as the minutes went by. Some movie played on his TV, neither of them having caught the title when it began. Kisumi watched with little interest, his chin in the palm of his hand and his fingers drumming against the table.

A man and woman were on the screen, holding each other close, their mouths pressed together in a passionate kiss. It was pretty cliché in his opinion, but Makoto seemed invested, so he didn’t complain or offer to turn the station. Watching Makoto in silence, Kisumi snorted, grabbing the man’s attention.

“Makoto, I didn’t know you liked watching stuff like this~. Are you actually a pervert?”

His words made Makoto’s already red cheeks flush even further. With a pout, he looked away, furrowing his brows. “They’re just kissing…”

“But what if they do it?”

“Would they show that on TV…?”

Kisumi couldn’t answer that, only shrugging as he looked back to the screen. The kiss had ended, and they seemed to have parted ways, a new scene already playing. It still wasn’t all that interesting, so with a sigh, Kisumi moved to lay down, snuggling under the warmth of the kotatsu’s blanket.

Closing his eyes for only a few seconds, he looked back up at Makoto, a smile playing at his lips as he nudged the man under the table. Makoto jumped a bit, but didn’t acknowledge it, probably still too drunk to really understand anything going on around him. It was a sight for sore eyes, just how cute he could be.

There was a serious aura coming from him, though. It was a little familiar… It reminded Kisumi of how he felt when there was a big exam coming up, but this was still different. The smile he wore disappeared, and all he did was watch Makoto, the sound from the TV just background noise to the ringing in his ears.

When ten minutes passed and neither of them had exchanged any sort of pleasant conversation, Kisumi began to think that maybe Makoto was just sleeping with his eyes open. Sitting up, he looked to the screen, his heart jolting immediately. Another kiss scene played, but it was more… Intense, this time. Both man and woman moaned into one another’s mouths, and Kisumi had to tear his eyes away, his stomach curling from embarrassment.

“Are you sure this isn’t porn or something…?”

“Hey, Kisumi.”

Lifting his head, their eyes met, and Kisumi began to feel a bit dizzy when he saw just how serious Makoto’s gaze was. Swallowing, he smiled, did his best to not think anything of it. This side of Makoto could be cute, too, of course. “What’s up?”

When Makoto didn’t immediately answer, Kisumi felt a sense of dread building up within him, and he wasn’t quite sure why. Really, Makoto was probably just going to make some kind of weird drunken comment, right? And then he would pass out right after. That was the most likely scenario. (Or, rather, the only good scenario Kisumi could come up with.)

Heart racing, he watched as Makoto slowly grabbed for the remote, muting the movie that still played. Kisumi didn’t look to see what was going on in it at that point, his focus entirely on Makoto. Even when the sound was gone from the room, the other still said nothing, his lips parted.

“...Makoto?” He couldn’t bear the silence anymore. “Are you okay? Do you feel sick?”

“No, it’s not… It’s not that.” Lifting his head again, he returned his gaze to Kisumi, brows furrowed. He was still flushed from the alcohol, but he didn’t seem drunk at all, none of his words slurring together. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something. For… For a long time now, actually.”

That was _way_ too ominous. Gulping quietly, or at least he hoped it was quiet, he smiled, though it wavered. “Okay…?”

Another deafening silence followed. Curling his fingers up into a fist, Kisumi stared, hoping that Makoto would speak soon. Knowing that something seemed to be bothering him was a weight hanging over his head.

“...Back in middle school--”

Kisumi’s heart nearly stopped, all color draining from his face.

“When you--”

“You don’t have to bring it up!”

The way he interrupted had surprised Makoto, his mouth closing as he watched Kisumi with wide eyes. Putting a hand to his chest, Kisumi didn’t look back at him, trying to will the ache away instead.

“Kisumi?”

“S-sorry,” he murmured, smiling weakly. “It’s just… It’s something you don’t want to talk about, right…?”

Sitting up straighter, Makoto tilted his head. “But I do…?”

Really, though, there was nothing to talk about in the first place. It had just been a kiss-- Kisumi didn’t feel that he was ready to admit to the underlying feelings behind it. He didn’t want Makoto to know that he had been tricked out of his first kiss by a greedy child with a hopeless crush.

Tensing when he saw Makoto begin to move closer, Kisumi lowered his gaze, lips drawn into a thin line. “It’s… It’s embarrassing, though, isn’t it~? You’ve probably kissed _much_ better by now, right~?” Trying to lighten the mood was difficult when he was the one who was bringing it down.

Knitting his brows together, Makoto continued. “Kisumi, I wanted to know… Were you being truthful about me being mocked if I didn’t have my first kiss before high school?”

Kisumi hadn’t known Makoto to be someone so perceptive. Mouth going dry, he mustered up his excuse. “Of course I was! I was helping you~.”

“But no one ever asked me--”

“Wow, really? You got so lucky!” Makoto seemed unconvinced, and there were no other lies Kisumi could think of to tell. Looking away, he grinned widely. “So, why’d you bring it up now? Aren’t you too drunk to be discussing stuff like this~?”

“I’m not that drunk…” Heaving out a sigh, Makoto put his elbows on top of the kotatsu, lower lip jutted out in a pout. “I just… It’s been on my mind for a long time. Actually, ever since it happened. I’ve wanted to ask you for so long, but it’s also really embarrassing, so…”

Just like him to get so flustered over something so minute… Well, Kisumi would have liked to have said it was something small. In actuality, it was a huge deal for the both of them. Their first kiss, shared with one another. Kisumi thought he had gotten lucky back then, but now, he just worried that it was a bad memory for the other.

“What exactly did you want to ask?” Kisumi mumbled, leaning against the kotatsu like Makoto did, his heart having calmed down a bit. “There’s not a whole lot to talk about. Ah, did you want to praise my technique, perhaps~? I was a little rusty back then, but--”

“Have you kissed anyone else since then?”

...He wasn’t sure that he liked this rousing round of twenty questions. Pursing his lips, he looked away, glaring at the TV screen. The movie had ended at some point. He wasn’t sure when. “Of course I have… What kind of teenage boy wouldn’t--”

“Me.”

His heart melted at Makoto’s pure words, his gaze going back to the other who still wore a serious expression. A blush was blooming on his gorgeous features. He was definitely beyond embarrassed, fidgeting where he sat, not even looking at Kisumi.

Kisumi didn’t mean to stare, but he found that he couldn’t help himself. That was just like Makoto, wasn’t it? So pure, so lovely… Something about his shyness made him appear tantalizing, and a warm feeling nestled in the pit of Kisumi’s stomach. It was unfamiliar, and it made him feel dizzy, his heart rate speeding up.

Swallowing thickly, he climbed out from under the kotatsu, crawling closer to Makoto and curling his fingers into the man’s sleeve. Makoto tensed up, barely looking at Kisumi, his blush darkening when Kisumi brushed his other hand against his cheek and prompted him to look. Their eyes met, and Kisumi felt as if all the air in him had left. Makoto was truly someone beautiful. That was the only thought Kisumi had as he inched closer, holding Makoto’s face, feeling the man’s breath ghost over his lips. He spoke, his voice only a mere whisper.

“Makoto…”

“...W-what…”

Kisumi’s lips curled up into a smile.

“What would you do if I kissed you right now?”

\--

It was awkward, sloppy, something foreign, but for Kisumi, it was the most amazing and incredible thing he could ever think of happening to him.

The room had grown dark as the sun had set, the only light being the glare from the TV. His vision was blurry, and he was only able to make out a pair of gorgeous, half-lidded green eyes staring down at him. Wearing a smile, Kisumi reached up, cupping Makoto’s cheek as he brought him down for another open mouthed kiss, one of many they had already shared.

He gasped shortly after, barely pulling away from Makoto’s lips as another finger slipped inside him, nestling close against two others. It wasn’t something he wasn’t used to; he had done this to himself many times before, but with Makoto being the one to so gently do it instead...

Tilting his chin up, he let Makoto’s lips have full range of his exposed neck. His movements were tender, sucking and biting down gently on the sensitive skin, leaving what Kisumi assumed would be dark bruises in his wake. The fingers inside curled up, and Kisumi let a pathetic whine leave him, one that he didn’t know he was even capable of.

Writhing under Makoto, his back aching from the hardwood floor his sweat-slicked back stuck to, he moved a hand to the nape of Makoto’s neck and up into his hair, twisting his fingers into the soft brown locks. His chest rose and fell, his breathing becoming more erratic, and he swallowed thickly.

“M-Makoto--” He was interrupted by a twist of pleasure shooting through him as the pads of Makoto’s fingers massaged his walls, his legs spreading inadvertently wider as his eyes squeezed shut. “Let me-- For you, too…”

Makoto didn’t listen, instead capturing Kisumi’s lips in another kiss, their tongues sliding and teeth clanking together in a way that made shivers run up both of their spines. Drool slipped down Kisumi’s chin, a low moan leaving him when Makoto bit down on his lower lip. He wasn’t sure if they were doing any of this properly-- He didn’t care, either.

His hands lay limp at his sides, and very weakly, he lifted one up to rest on the small of Makoto’s back, digging his nails into the man’s skin. That small action alone earned him a shudder, a quiet groan, and he smiled, his heart swelling up with a small flicker of pride.

The feeling soon disappeared, though, replaced with a fervent pleasure as Makoto slid his fingers out, then in again, spread them apart to stretch Kisumi wider. He didn’t hold back one bit, scissoring before he took them out again, only to trail them up to Kisumi’s twitching cock. Shivering under his touch, goosebumps rising on his skin, Kisumi mewled and his toes curled, hips twitching up as Makoto’s hand wrapped around him. He gave a steady stroke that earned him a moan, and Kisumi could see him smiling.

“You’re good at this,” Kisumi breathed, his tone teasing. “Did you-- Did you practice a lot…?”

Silenced by another kiss, he whimpered into Makoto’s mouth, wanting to pull him back down again when he broke away with a huff. Kisumi wanted to smile, but he was interrupted by a pathetic gasp when Makoto tightened his grip on him. “Don’t make fun of me--”

Revenge was what Kisumi liked to call it. Cutting himself off with a heavy groan, Makoto’s eyes closed, trembling at Kisumi’s light touch. Rubbing the tip of his middle finger against Makoto’s hole, Kisumi hummed to himself before reaching down between them with his free hand, sliding two more fingers back into himself and grinding down on them.

“How is that?” he murmured, short on breath as he watched Makoto lean his head down, burying his face into the crook of Kisumi’s neck.

“In… Inside, please…”

His stomach curled, Makoto’s low voice making his entire body twitch. “Will do…”

Of course, neither had expected everything to go this far. After Kisumi had asked the question, Makoto had basically jumped him, and it was all they could do to not take their clothes off faster than need be. What really came as a surprise was the small bottle of lube that Makoto had retrieved from his bathroom, his face red as Kisumi had stared.

It wasn’t like he was alone in that area, of course. Kisumi could admit to having the same thing in his own apartment, not proud of how often he found himself using it. Sitting up so he could his fingers in the substance, he returned to his previous position under Makoto, massaging the ring of muscles before he managed to slip one finger in, Makoto tensing up before easing into it.

Still sliding his hand up and down Kisumi’s length, squeezing every so often to just get a reaction, he moaned and eagerly rolled back against the finger. “K-Kisumi--”

Heart pounding in his ears, Kisumi smiled, pulling Makoto into a softer kiss as he slid another finger into him. The lack of warning made Makoto’s grip tighten, and they both groaned against each other’s lips, Kisumi feeling as if he were slowly nearing his breaking point.

He jolted, though, when he felt the head of Makoto’s cock slip against his entrance and rub against his inner thigh. His own fingers in him weren’t enough to settle how empty he felt, and it was becoming agonizing, knowing he could just ask and that’d be that. Still, he hesitated, because he knew that if they were to go that far, there’d be no going back, and he wasn’t sure if going forward was even an option.

Swallowing down a lump, he breathed out shakily, doing his best to solely focus on pleasing Makoto. The way that he moaned, deep and raspy, was like music to Kisumi’s ears, something he couldn’t get nearly enough of. He wanted more, much more. More of Makoto, more of his everything.

Taking his fingers out and hearing Makoto unhappily whine, he smiled and put a hand to the other’s chest, pushing him back gently. Makoto allowed it, but looked confused, his breathing slowly calming down.

“Did I do something wrong--”

“Not at all.” Sitting up on one elbow, Kisumi smoothed a hand down his body, his legs spreading wider apart as he slipped a finger into himself, then two more, curling them upwards. He gasped once before settling down, and he smiled, stroking his insides as precum dripped from his slit.

Makoto only watched in silence, his gaze focused solely on Kisumi’s entrance, just as Kisumi had hoped for. Moving a foot forward, he pressed it against the other man’s shaft, earning himself a small groan. There was no going back, there was no going forward. There was only them in this moment.

After pressing his fingers deep into himself, he slid them out, used two to stretch himself open. His heart fluttered with pride and excitement when he felt Makoto’s cock twitch under his sole. “What do you want to do?” he whispered, using his voice to tempt the other. Makoto didn’t say anything, though his answer was obvious.

In an instant, his back was against the floor again, Makoto breathing heavily in his ear. His arms wrapped around the man’s broad shoulders, brought him closer, their warm skin sticking together. For just a moment, Kisumi could feel Makoto’s heart beating against his own, and it felt like something incredible. All thoughts were lost when Makoto grabbed at his thighs, fingers digging into his skin in a way that Kisumi figured should have hurt. All he felt was a chill running up his spine.

Makoto sliding into him was far different from the fingers, and there was a short pain at first, Kisumi gasping as he buried his face into the crook of Makoto’s neck. He paused, but Kisumi shook his head, rutting against him slowly as encouragement.

“Keep going,” he begged, a desperation in his tone that he had never heard from himself. “Please, Makoto--”

His demands were eagerly adhered to, Makoto thrusting further into him, the pain disappearing as the seconds went by. Tears sprung to the corners of his eyes, all from pleasure, happiness… A sense of sorrow, because he knew that this was a bad idea. He still smiled, though, moaned to let Makoto know that he was enjoying himself.

“Kisu-- Kisumi…”

Tightening around Makoto’s cock, Kisumi pressed a chaste kiss to his neck, his hands moving down to grope at the man’s ass. “It feels good,” he murmured, voice hoarse as Makoto thrust again. “You’re huge, you know--”

He stopped when Makoto suddenly grabbed at his length again, his thumb rubbing against the slit. All words were immediately lost, Kisumi going into a daze as he trembled and moaned out Makoto’s name over and over again, moving against his cock for more stimulation. Makoto gladly continued, his movements gaining some sort of rhythm that would falter at times.

Begging was something he had never done before, but he couldn’t stop himself, not with Makoto. Desperately crying out for more of him, he would moan as Makoto obliged, and even through the haze that covered his eyes, he could see the other staring down at him with flushed cheeks, lips parted as he took in long breaths.

Moving one hand, he brushed it against Makoto’s cheek, thumb running over his bottom lip. Leaning up, he slowly pressed what had to be the softest kiss of that night to Makoto’s mouth, knowing it was filled with years of love he had felt for this man. Sighing, his heart fluttered, a content smile gracing him, despite the overwhelming pain that was slowly engulfing him.

He knew this would end up being a bad idea. He knew that, and yet, he still asked for more, letting Makoto erratically pound into him without a second thought. Living in this moment was fine. Regret would come later, but for now, he just had to let himself not care. All he would do was focus on the man above him, what they had, not what they would soon lose.

\--

Kisumi was the first to wake that morning, his back and hips stinging from sharp pain that he somehow managed to ignore. Sitting up on his elbow, he looked to Makoto, who slept peacefully beside him. After they had finished, they had just barely found the energy to get out a futon, but they hadn’t even bothered with cleaning the apartment, nor themselves, up.

His heart fell as memories of the night before began to filter in, and he fell back against the pillow, only staring at Makoto with a painful ache in his stomach. That was it, he supposed. They’d never be what they were before, and for Makoto, it was probably just a pleasurable night with no hidden feelings behind it.

Reaching a hand over, he touched the man’s cheek, watching him squirm before relaxing again. Kisumi felt that he should have been happier over this, happy about being able to share in such a memorable experience with Makoto, but he couldn’t force himself to be. If he were to face Makoto again, it’d be too painful, and he would just keep spewing pretty lies to both the man he loved and to himself.

He left before Makoto woke up, leaving a note laying atop the kotatsu. Dragging his feet, he made it to the station without a second to spare, taking a seat on the train car. He was sure he looked awful, but he couldn’t bring himself to worry, for once. His heart hurt too much, but he knew that leaving their relationship behind was for the best. He couldn’t burden Makoto with how he felt anymore--

A vibration from his back pocket surprised him, and he took it out, grimacing when he saw who it was.

_Kisumi? Are you okay? I saw your note. Did I do something wrong? You could have stayed._

As worrisome as ever… Snorting, Kisumi almost turned the phone off, but with his finger hovering over the power button, he decided against it. Tapping at the screen, he wrote out his reply.

_I didn’t want to overstay my welcome! Don’t worry about me, Makoto~._

Putting on a facade was difficult, _especially_ when Makoto sent a worried looking emoji back. The guy was too cute, honestly.

He didn’t check his phone again until he got back to his apartment, laying it out on his kitchen counter, sighing heavily as he rubbed at the small of his back. He really, _really_ wasn’t good at holding to personal promises. There was no way he could avoid Makoto… It would be selfish to put the other through that, just because he himself got a little sad each time they would meet.

Before going for a bath, the tension in his muscles making him feel awful, he checked his phone once more when it vibrated. His stomach twisted at the new message.

_Last night was fun. I’d like to do it again, if you want to._

...He sounded way too serious about it, but that wasn’t a bad thing. A lump forming in his throat, Kisumi breathed out before giving his answer to the request.

_Did I turn you on that much? If you had wanted a round two, you should have told me~._

Makoto didn’t send a reply back, and that was understandable, what with how suggestive the message had been. Smiling to himself, Kisumi finally made it to the tub, soaking in the warm water with a heavy sigh. All was quiet for a few minutes, save for the water dripping off the ends of his hair and splashing against the surface. Then, his phone was going off, a call coming through. Drying his hand on a rag, he reached for it, hesitating when he saw Makoto’s name on the screen.

Working up the courage to answer, he cleared his throat. “Yes~?”

“W-what are you doing right now…”

...Oh. So that’s how it was. “Wow, Makoto… You’re so bold--”

“Kisumi…”

There was an advantage to this. “Did you ever get dressed, Makoto?”

“...No…”

“Are you hard?”

The simple question dissolved into much, much more, and like that, what was supposed to be a peaceful bath turned into something that became normal between the two of them. If it was going to be like that, Kisumi made a promise to himself that he was definitely not going to be avoiding Makoto anytime soon, and he pushed all feelings aside.

\--

For some time, things continued just like that. If they couldn’t meet up, they’d stick to their phones, and it usually always seemed to work out a little more than fine. If Kisumi were honest, he’d admit to preferring only being able to hear Makoto’s voice. Seeing his flushed face that was so overcome with pleasure… Holding back the heartache he felt was too difficult.

Aside from their secret, though, things were still just as they had been before that night. Makoto never mentioned the things they did, unless they were actually in that sort of situation. When it was over, it was like it had never happened. They would go about their daily lives, and Kisumi absolutely _hated_ it.

Makoto was someone who had taken up many years of his life. His feelings had wavered at times, yes, but never fully disappeared. He thought himself weird for it, but he knew that he would never want anyone aside from Makoto, so having the man within his reach, yet so far away at the same time… It was a certain kind of hell that he couldn’t even begin to describe.

He would smile despite it all, though, do as Makoto wanted. It hurt, his heart felt broken, but he supposed that was just how life was. Sooner or later, Makoto would find someone _he_ wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and Kisumi would be left in the dust, his feelings never once being spoken in full. If he could keep his secret for the rest of his life, that’d be fine.

“Would you like to come back to my place tonight?”

The question was something innocent, but Kisumi knew the deeper meaning behind it. Lifting his head, his eyes meeting Makoto’s hopeful ones, he gave a weak smile. “Do I need to guess?”

“K-Kisumi--”

“I have stuff to do tonight, so I can’t. Sorry.” He was lying, but even if he was fine with going along with Makoto’s needs, it became too much to handle sometimes. He needed breaks just to allow his heart to settle. “Maybe tomorrow.”

There was an evident disappointment on Makoto’s face that put a twinge of pain in Kisumi’s stomach, but he would deal. Taking the last bite of his food, he stood, brushing his fingers through his hair as he smiled down at Makoto.

“Don’t look so sad. I said tomorrow, didn’t I?”

“...Right.”

\--

_Are you still coming over tonight?_

Kisumi had been expecting the message, and though he had originally agreed to it, had given Makoto his word, something in him twisted. Staring at the text, his grip on his phone tightening, he began to reply, feeling uneased. Something was off, something wasn’t right.

Before he could even finish his own message, he turned off his phone, laying it elsewhere and tucking his knees up under his chin as he fell against his futon instead. It buzzed with another text, but all he did was squeeze his eyes shut, trying to will himself into a deep sleep, take himself to a place where he could forget about Makoto, even if just for a little while.

For a week, Makoto sent him many messages, called him many times, but Kisumi ignored each one of them. Aside from those years in high school, this was the longest break he had taken from the other, and it felt good and bad all at once, sending his mind into a tizzy. Not seeing Makoto, avoiding him without giving a reason… It was wrong, he knew that, and it hurt to do it, but what was the point when it hurt even more to do the opposite?

He knew he was being selfish. That was fine, though.

_Are you mad at me? Can we please talk, Kisumi?_

\--

It was an odd sort of feeling, he supposed. Deciding to put his feelings first and all. It wasn’t something he was used to, so when his avoidance of Makoto began, it had made him feel sick to his stomach, like he was being a terrible person.

Of course he wanted to see Makoto, touch him, hold him… It just hurt too much. He couldn’t keep up his mask of strength, keep a smile on his lips, make Makoto think that he was alright. He had to think about what his take on their whole situation was, and really, he thought it was totally unfair to the both of them.

On one hand, his heart broke each time he saw Makoto, each time he kissed him. His feelings for the man were shameful, something that should have never happened. On the other hand, he still went through with it, taking advantage of Makoto and his desires, him not knowing that Kisumi’s feelings went much deeper than just sex friends.

Breaking off what they had, letting their friendship wither away… It was for the best. That much was obvious for him.

It was one of the hardest things he had ever faced in his life, though. Makoto’s calls and messages came often, a reminder of what Kisumi was losing, a reminder of how horrible he was. He didn’t even have the heart to block the man’s number. At one point, Makoto had even gone out of his way to visit Kisumi’s apartment, but Kisumi didn’t answer, just sitting and listening to the knocking, the desperate pleas.

When he would call home, Hayato would always ask about Makoto, wonder how he was doing. Kisumi couldn’t give a proper answer, but he did know that Makoto would be fine sooner or later. They both would be.

“Why are you avoiding Makoto.”

It wasn’t a question. Kisumi’s heart stalled, and he looked to Haruka with a feeling of dread creeping into him. He _knew_ it had been odd for Haruka to ask him out for dinner alone, and he really should have been more suspicious. Reading the atmosphere wasn’t a strong point of his.

“Avoiding?” he repeated, trying to replace any worry with a smile that didn’t even faze Haruka. “I’m not avoiding anyone~. What are you talking about--”

“He’s really worried, you know.”

Falling silent, Kisumi looked to the half-eaten burger and barely touched fries in front of him, all appetite disappearing. Playing with the straw in his drink, he avoided Haruka’s cold stare, knowing that there was no escape. He’d have to lie through his teeth.

“But I’m not--”

“You are.”

Drawing his lips into a pout, Kisumi huffed, nudging at Haruka’s ankle under the table. “...So what if I am…?”

“Avoiding your troubles doesn’t make them go away.” Pausing to take a drink, Haruka lifted his head again, gazing straight at Kisumi. “I don’t know what happened, but you should fix it. Makoto likes to hide that he’s feeling down, but I can tell. He isn’t smiling like usual.”

Hearing those words from Haruka was worse than anything he could have imagined. His heart fell to his stomach, a wave of shame engulfing him. For Makoto to not be his normal, happy self… Kisumi didn’t want that, of course, but he still knew that Makoto would get over it at some point and move on. They just had to hold out until then.

“It’s more complicated than you think, Haru…” He sighed as he began to nibble on one of his fries. “You wouldn’t even be able to understand the woes of my poor, broken heart~.”

Haruka’s glare was colder than the winter itself. “I don’t get it, but what you’re saying is annoying.”

“Hehe… Sorry, sorry. But really, Haru, there’s a lot that’s happened… I can’t face him anymore--”

“This isn’t a novel.”

“Real life can be just the same.”

They both fell silent, Kisumi wishing that Haruka hadn’t gotten mixed up in all of this. It wasn’t his place, and he certainly didn’t deserve to have their troubles on his shoulders. If it continued… He didn’t want to cut Haruka out of his life, too. He couldn’t lose them both. It was already hard enough, forcing himself to not see the love of his life.

Heaving out a sigh, he took a final bite of his burger before standing up, feeling Haruka’s eyes following him. “Tell Makoto that I’m fine. He doesn’t need to worry about me anymore, so… He can on with his life, and I’ll go on with mine.”

“...That’s too dramatic--”

“But it’s how I truly feel, Haru.” His smile was laced with pain, and Kisumi nodded before making his retreat, leaving the restaurant behind with a lump in his throat burdening him.

He didn’t immediately go home, but rather wandered around the city, his head low as he tried to rid his mind of any depressing thoughts. The past was behind him, and looking towards the future was all he could do. That future just didn’t include Makoto. No amount of daydreaming could change that. He’d go on to be a professional basketball player, he’d live a good life, and Makoto would as well.

When evening fell, he found himself wallowing in self pity on a park swing, street lights blinking on and kids heading home after a fun day of playing. He wasn’t sure how long he had been sitting there, and he couldn’t bring himself to care, either. His phone vibrated after a while, alerting him to a new message. He didn’t need to check who it was from. Taking it out, he opened the text from Makoto, his heart falling.

_Where are you?_

It wasn’t like he could just answer that. It’d ruin all his work, all his plans…

Still, though, his fingers moved against his will, tapping at the screen. Before he could even finish his message, another one from Makoto came through.

_I know that you probably won’t answer this. I’m sorry I’m trying so hard. Haru told me that you two met up today, and he told me what you said._

Staring at the screen, Kisumi felt a lump lodge in his throat, thinking back to what he had said earlier that day. He regretted every single bit of it; he hadn’t wanted Makoto to hear that, not ever. The two of them, being apart for the rest of their lives… He hated it. He hated it more than he could ever say.

His phone buzzed again.

_I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if I did something wrong._

“You didn’t.”

_I’m sorry if I did._

“Please don’t apologize…”

_I don’t want you out of my life, Kisumi. I want you here._

“Me too. But…” Makoto had no idea. He never would, and Kisumi would never allow him to know. “I’m sorry.”

His phone went off with another new message, but he never opened it. He had no courage, he was a coward, and it hurt. His fingers trembled from both the cold weather and the sorrow that was seeping into him. A tear slid down his cheek and fell onto the screen as he deleted the message, deleted Makoto’s number. It wouldn’t help him to forget, but it was all he could do.

Standing from the swing, the gravel under his feet crunching, he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand and took in a deep, shaky breath. Whatever Makoto had said next was lost to the sands of time, and it was fine that way.

An _“I love you.”_ that would never reach him.

\--

His days went by as if he were drifting through water. There were calm moments where everything was balanced, moments that made his heart race, nasty waves crashing all around and overtaking him. Most of the time, he felt like he couldn’t breathe, like if he tried to, all he’d be met with was a suffocating sensation that would slowly kill him.

That was alright, though. Living in such a way was something he could do, something he would adjust to. Even when a month passed, he still tried his best to keep it all up, not let his walls crumble.

“Onii-chan?”

Snapping out of his thoughts, Kisumi laughed weakly and put the phone closer to his ears. “What is it, Hayato?”

“I asked you how Coach Tachibana is doing…”

Ah… Well, some days were harder than the others.

It seemed that, no matter how hard he tried avoiding the other, he would always somehow pop up. While shopping, Kisumi would pass a case of reading glasses, think of how cute Makoto looked while studying. He’d go to the cake shop for a quick treat, and memories of visiting the place with Makoto would filter their way in, strangle his heart until he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Makoto’s doing fine,” he hummed, because he was sure he was right. “He’s a hard worker, after all~.”

“Yeah!”

Hanging up after the short conversation with his brother, Kisumi smiled to himself. Hayato always made him feel better, even if it was just by a bit. Jumping when his phone buzzed with a new message, he tightened his grip on it, lips pursed. It wasn’t Makoto, he knew that. His number had been blocked long ago. It still managed to surprise him, though.

He had other friends, of course. That was a given. He was pretty popular at his university, plus he had all his teammates, and he loved spending time with them, he really did. It was just… It wasn’t something easily done, he supposed. After a while together, they’d leave with their girls, and how much he envied them was petty and ridiculous. He couldn’t say that out loud, either. All he would get in return was an encouragement of _“You can get a girlfriend easily!”_ and, yes, perhaps that was true, but she wouldn’t be Makoto.

It was another one of those nights, actually. The end of the school year was nearing, Kisumi ready to move onto his second year at the university. Still pretty low on the hierarchy, but he’d survive. Especially if he kept these joyous people by his side.

A small celebration was held in a friend’s apartment, applauding the hard work of the graduating members of their friend group. Some were getting piss poor drunk, the smell of alcohol and cigarette smoke wafting through the room and making him feel sick to his stomach. He still wore his winning smile, though, the one that everyone seemed to adore. He didn’t want to ruin the party or anything.

“Shigino-kun,” one girl started, her words slurring together as she leaned against him. “My biggest regret in my university life is… Is not asking you out… You know…”

Kisumi only laughed, though his stomach twisted at the idea. “Aw… You should have tried! Maybe I would have said yes!”

“As if,” another one cut in, a teammate of his. “Every girl who _did_ ask you out, you always rejected them! None of us could _ever_ make sense of it!

“He must already like someone…”

“Who is it, Shigino?”

Everything they said weighed down on his mind, and he found it to be frustrating, but all he did was wave the comments off, like always. “I’m just waiting for the right one~.”

A few girls sighed, one scoffed, and all the men groaned, shaking their heads. Before anyone could say any more on the subject, someone coughed suddenly, tossing his wallet to Kisumi. He looked drunk out of his wits, his cheeks flushed red.

“Shigino, be a good first year and go get us more snacks. We’re all out.”

Pursing his lips at the rude way it had been said, Kisumi nodded, standing up and moving to slip his shoes on. “Fine, fine. I’ll be back soon.”

The air outside was cold, his breath leaving him in puffs of fog. It was far more refreshing than being cooped up in that small apartment, though. He hoped that the scent of smoke didn’t linger on him. It was a total turnoff.

The streets were dark, save for the shop signs and sidewalk lights that flickered every so often. Hands shoved deep into his pockets, he took in a long breath, the cold air hurting his lungs. It was a short walk to the convenience store, but hopefully they wouldn’t mind waiting too long. He’d prefer to take his time.

Turning one corner, he paused when he heard a child squeal. “Mom, it’s snowing!”

A smile made its way onto his features as he lifted his head. The kid was right; flecks of snow descended from the sky, hitting his cheeks every so often. It hadn’t snowed since Christmas, so this was something welcome, he supposed. He didn’t have any long distance commitments to tend to, this time.

When he reached the convenience store, his chest ached from the chilly weather and his hands were a rosy red color. Standing in the warmth of the building for a few moments, he went for the snacks, glad that his upperclassmen weren’t making him spend his own money.

Throwing whatever he found that looked good into his basket, he let out a long yawn, the calm music playing in the store not helping the fact that he was already tired. He figured he’d just go home after dropping this stuff off. Besides, he didn’t want to deal with their prying for the rest of the night...

Once all was paid for and tucked away in a plastic sack, he moved to the doors, barely hearing the shopkeeper say goodbye. The doors slid open and he lowered his head so another person could pass by and go in. Leaving the store, he was stopped when his arm was grabbed by a hand that felt all too familiar.

“Kisumi…?”

His heart instantly fell to his stomach, and he was back to where he was months ago, pathetically pining for a man he would never have. Everything around him felt as if it had stilled, and the grip Makoto had on him tightened. He felt sick to his stomach. He didn’t want this. Not again.

Not even sparing Makoto a glance, he pulled away, running with all the strength and energy he had. Makoto called out after him, but he didn’t listen, letting the wind that flew by his ears and his feet on the pavement be the only sounds he heard.

He wasn’t sure how many corners he had turned, how fast he had run, how long he had been going for. Stopping in an alleyway, a dead end blocking him, he leaned over with one hand against the wall and the other on his chest, taking in long gulps of air as he tried to catch his breath. His entire body ached, the sharp pains stabbing through him bringing tears to his eyes.

The sound of someone stepping up behind him made his stomach curl, and he knew he was trapped. Taking in another deep breath, he stood straight, though he didn’t turn to face Makoto. The grip he had on the plastic sack tightened, and he looked straight ahead, the terrible ringing in his ears returning.

“Kisumi…”

His voice was so soft. That was another part of him that Kisumi had fallen in love with. A pain pierced his heart and he swallowed down a lump that was forming in his throat, waiting for Makoto to speak again.

“Kisumi--” Makoto stopped, and Kisumi heard him move closer. “Kisumi, it’s… It’s been a while.”

...How like him, Kisumi thought. He smiled despite himself, not saying anything in return.

“Um… You… You haven’t texted back for a while, so I was worried! You look fine, though… I guess I didn’t need to think about it too hard, did I…”

There wasn’t an ounce of bitterness in his tone. Confusion, yes. Hurt, yes, but not… Kisumi’s heart clenched and he took in a deep breath, turning his head slightly to see the other. Makoto smiled at him, just as he always, always did, and though it was something Kisumi loved… He just couldn’t understand.

“Why…”

“Why…?”

Gritting his teeth together, Kisumi turned to him fully, a sudden fire in his heart spurring him on. “Why aren’t you mad at me? I’ve been… I’ve been ignoring you! I’ve been trying to cut you out of my life! I’ve treated you awfully, I wanted nothing to do with you--” He paused, feeling more tears spring to the corners of his eyes. He hoped that Makoto hadn’t seen. “But… But you’re still smiling at me… I don’t get it Makoto. That kind side of you--”

“Kisumi--”

“If you hate me, that’s fine, it really is… After all this time, I’ve just been using how kind you are, after all…” Lowering his gaze, bottom lip trembling, he took a short breath in. “I’m a horrible person, and it hurts being around you, because--”

“Kisumi.”

He hadn’t heard Makoto approach him, but when the man’s hands were on his shoulders a moment later, he stopped his rambling and wilted into the touch. Not meeting Makoto’s eyes, he glared at the ground below them.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, feeling Makoto’s grip tighten. “This isn’t like me, I know… And I don’t want you out of my life. I never wanted that. But I can’t be around you, because I’m selfish, and greedy, and you don’t deserve that. I’m sorry, Makoto.”

When Makoto didn’t speak, Kisumi pursed his lips, knowing that he had been the one to ruin everything between them. What they had would never be the same. He had tried again and again to end it, but this was the breaking point. It had to stop--

“Kisumi, did you ever read any of the texts I sent you?”

“Huh?” Lifting his head, Kisumi’s heart fluttered at the determined, yet tender look Makoto gave him. Lips parted, he thought back to the messages. “I… I did.”

“Don’t you remember the last one I sent?”

The last one… Kisumi’s stomach dropped and he looked away. It hurt to admit to what he had done. “I blocked your number,” he murmured, watching as Makoto’s face fell. “I’m sorry--”

Makoto cut him off with a heavy sigh, and he stepped away. His cheeks were flushed. Kisumi just assumed it was from the long chase, the cold air...

“You never saw it, huh…”

“Saw what…”

Taking in a deep breath, Makoto lifted his head, brows drawn together. “The last message was--” His voice broke, and he covered his mouth, groaning quietly to himself as the blush he wore grew worse. “S-sorry. I’m just, uh… I’m nervous, so…”

Kisumi knew that side of him well. It had always been something so adorable in his eyes. Back when they were younger, making Makoto grow red in the face had been one of his favorite pasttimes, something he often tried to accomplish. Maybe it was a little mean, but he couldn’t help himself.

“The last message…” He trailed off, looking away from Kisumi. “It, um… I said that I-...”

He paused again. Staring, Kisumi stepped closer. “...Makoto?”

Fingers curling up into fists, Makoto looked away, eyes narrowing before he took in a long, deep breath. Their eyes met, but once again, Makoto wilted, looking like he was going to be sick. “I… I love… you…”

The words were so simple, yet they still made Kisumi’s heart stall, his stomach filling with butterflies. Love? Just what the hell was Makoto even saying? He couldn’t possibly… There was no way, right? Kisumi’s mouth went dry, but he swallowed, voice wavering as he spoke.

“Love…? Makoto, we just… We had sex a few times… You can’t say you’re in love with me because of that--”

“It’s not just that!” He was red to the tips of his ears at this point, lips drawn into a thin line. “It’s not… It’s… For a long time, I mean… I wasn’t _always_ in love with you, but, um…” Putting his hands to his cheeks, he shook his head, thinking over what he was saying. “After you first kissed me… I began to think about you a lot, but I mean, I kind of stopped during high school, but then we met again, and I couldn’t get you off my mind after that. I’m sorry if it’s weird, but--”

He trailed off, lowering his head and folding his hands together, twiddling his thumbs. Kisumi was left completely awestruck, baffled. Staring at Makoto with eyes wide, he felt a smile begin to appear, and he moved closer. Makoto was someone precious to him, the only person he had ever been in love with, the only person he _would_ ever be in love with… Hearing him spill his feelings like that was almost too much.

Putting a hand against Makoto’s chest, their eyes met, Kisumi’s heart melting at the way Makoto’s look softened. “Say it again, Makoto.”

“...I love you.”

“...You’re so cute when you get like this,” he giggled, shaking his head. “Seriously, you’re something special, Makoto! So pure, so inno--”

He was interrupted when a sob left his lips, surprising the both of them. Covering his mouth with one hand, the burning in his throat made him sob again. The tears returned one by one, stinging his eyes as they gathered in the corners. There was an ache in his heart, but it wasn’t a bad one, not like usual.

Taking in a deep breath, he tried to will it down, blink the tears away. One breath turned into another, and he dropped the sack to the ground, bringing his other trembling hand up to cover his face. He curled in on himself, tried to hide how pathetic he surely looked from Makoto, his broken sobs soon turning into long, drawn-out weeps that made his entire body shake. The tears that fell spilled out from between his fingers, and his throat began to ache, but he couldn’t stop himself.

He was happy. He was truly happy. It was a relief he hadn’t felt in so, so long.

Taking in a sharp breath, the cold air piercing his lungs again, he tried to speak, but his sobs made his words slur together to where it was hard to make out what he was saying. “I-I’m sorry,” he stuttered, voice straining as he tried to hold his cries in. “I’m sorry, Makoto. I don’t know why I’m--”

All words were lost when he felt Makoto’s arms wrap around him, and he melted into the gentle hold, burying his face into the man’s shoulder, his breath hitching. Makoto was so warm. That had never changed. Feeling Makoto’s fingers brush through his hair, Kisumi sighed, noticing that when Makoto began to speak, his voice was straining as well.

“Don’t apologize,” he started, his breath tickling Kisumi’s ear. “It’s okay to cry… Everyone cries, so just... “

All sound from the surrounding city was drowned out by Makoto’s voice, his words. Eyes squeezing shut, tears sticking to his eyelashes as he bit down on his lower lip, he slid his arms around Makoto’s waist, curling his fingers into the fabric of the coat he wore. He hadn’t said it back yet; he wasn’t sure he had the strength to.

Opening his mouth once, he closed it again, his knees feeling weak. Licking his lips of the tears that had collected there, he began. “Me too,” he murmured, his hold on Makoto growing firmer. “I love you, too. For so long… I’m sorry, Makoto.”

Only shaking his head in answer, Makoto brought him even closer, holding the back of his head gently.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed, but when he finally got years worth of the pent-up emotions out of him, they pulled away from each other. Makoto wore a smile so tender that it almost made Kisumi start in again, but he held back, wiping at his eyes with his sleeves, his head beginning to ache.

“I… I don’t know what to do now,” he mumbled, a bashful smile rising.

“Me either.”

Makoto said that, but moments later, his fingers were brushing against Kisumi’s cheeks and cupping his face, pulling him closer until their lips met.

Sighing into it, Kisumi pressed up against him, a romantic thought of _“I hope this never ends.”_ filling his mind. Their mouths left one another, and he took the opportunity to cup Makoto’s cheeks as well, moving to press small kisses to his nose, his forehead, his chin, anywhere he could reach. He felt as if he were dreaming, as if something like this was too good to be true..

It was reality, though. A reality he was very ready to accept.

Ending the trail of kisses on Makoto’s lips again, his hands slipped to the back of his neck, making sure that Makoto couldn’t make an escape. The kiss was soft, loving, everything he had been wishing for. Then, Makoto’s tongue swiped over his lower lip, making Kisumi jump and gasp with a blush blooming on his cheeks.

“Makoto--”

“S-sorry. Habit.”

“...Habit…?” A laugh bubbled up and out of him, something so genuine sounding, something he hadn’t heard from himself in ages. Sliding his fingers into Makoto’s hair, he tangled them up there, a brow raising. “Did I have that much of an effect on you?”

Smiling sheepishly, Makoto glanced away. “I guess so… I’ve really missed you, so I couldn’t help it…”

His words made Kisumi’s heart feel warm, and he gave another kiss, sighing against Makoto’s lips. “You’ve been patient,” he murmured. “Maybe I should give you an award~?”

“A reward…?” It took a few moments for Makoto to catch on, but once he did, his eyes widened. It was easy to tell he was excited just from the look he gave alone. “S-so soon? I mean, we just… We just started… Dating…?”

“... _Are_ we dating?”

“Are we?”

Letting the reality sink, neither of them said anything, but they soon both erupted into a fit of giggles that were more suitable for a pair of elementary schoolers. Another kiss later, Makoto was taking Kisumi’s hand in his own.

“So... We’re boyfriends...?”

“I guess so…” The title made him feel absolutely giddy, but he tried his best to hide it. “And boyfriends usually--”

“I know-- Um, we’ll… We’ll go back to my place, then?”

Nodding his agreement, Kisumi leaned down to grab the sack, figuring he could just leave it outside their apartment door. His friends wouldn’t miss him, and besides, he had… Bigger and better things to tend to.

The walk back to Makoto’s apartment was a quiet one, and being inside felt odd after so long had passed. Slipping his shoes off as he entered, he glanced around, his heart settling to a relaxing pace. He had really missed it all… Much more than he originally thought. He wouldn’t be leaving again anytime soon.

Before he could move any further into the room, Makoto’s arms were around his waist, pulling him back. Makoto nuzzled into his shoulder, sighing out with a tiny smile. Being held by him again felt incredible, and Kisumi put his hands over Makoto’s, leaning back with a smile of his own on his lips.

The tender moment was ruined within seconds, the sound of a belt unbuckling interrupting it. It didn’t take long for Kisumi to realize just what Makoto’s hands were working at. His heart skipped and he pulled away, face blooming. “Y-you’re not really wanting to wait around, are you…?”

“Not… Not really…” Wearing an embarrassed smile, Makoto moved to kiss him, eyes gentle. “It’s because I’m so happy.”

Cheeks burning, Kisumi pursed his lips, looking away. “How sappy…”

Returning the kiss, letting it linger, Kisumi parted his lips to let Makoto’s tongue slip in between them. A small groan left him at the familiar sensation, his hands gripping at the hem of Makoto’s shirt, giving a light tug when he felt fingers curling into his hair.

Neither stopped with the kisses as they sprawled out on the floor, Kisumi laying himself over Makoto’s chest. He let Makoto suck at his lower lip, pulling away only to put on a sly smile. One of Makoto’s hands slipped under the back of his shirt, making him shiver from both the touch, and how his skin was still cold from the winter weather.

Leaning down to kiss him again, open mouthed and more desperate than he intended, Kisumi moved to where he was straddling Makoto, fingers bunching into the front of his shirt. The bulge that rubbed against him was prominent, but not something unwelcome. Breaking the kiss with a gasp, he giggled, drumming his fingers against Makoto’s chest.

“Getting you excited is so easy…”

“I-I can’t help it,” he replied, his eyes glazed over. “Waiting has been--”

“Hard, I know.” He knew _too_ well, actually. Smiling, he kissed Makoto’s temple before grinding his hips down, his stomach filling with warmth at how Makoto’s hips twitched and his head tilted back. He breathed out a moan, and Kisumi’s smile only grew. “I won’t make you hold back, Makoto. Do as you please, okay?”

Not saying anything in return, Makoto only nodded, moved his hands to where they slid under Kisumi’s shirt. Settling back on Makoto’s thighs, he let the garment slip up and over his head, tossing it aside without a care. Makoto’s hands were slowly starting to warm up, but they still made Kisumi gasp at each new spot they touched.

Sitting up, Makoto’s arms wrapped around Kisumi’s waist, pulling him closer to mouth at his neck, his collarbone, his trail of kissing leaving lightly colored bruises in its wake. Panting softly, Kisumi quietly spoke to him, giving his encouragement in the words of _“Yes”_ and _“More, please…”_

His moans had an obvious effect on Makoto, the man’s hips slowly rolling up in a rhythmic pattern that made Kisumi feel dizzy in the head. Arching his back, he groaned as Makoto’s lips found their way around one of his nipples, teeth gently grazing it. They hadn’t done it often, but Makoto was a fast learner; he easily remembered each of Kisumi’s sweet spots.

Tugging at Makoto’s hair, Kisumi tilted his head back, moved his hips to meet Makoto’s. All the treatment he was getting was unfair, he knew that, but he didn’t want it to stop anytime soon. Squeezing his eyes shut, he felt Makoto’s mouth pull away, and he glanced down just in time to watch Makoto begin sucking at his other one. A free hand slid down the front of his pants, cupped him and gave a harsh rub that made his stomach curl.

“M-Makoto, that’s enough--” He swallowed down a moan that threatened to spill, and rolled his hips into the hand that teased him without mercy.

He felt as if he were in a daze, putting both hands on Makoto’s shoulders, jolting when he felt the tip of the man’s tongue swirl around his nipple and flick it. Curling his fingers into the fabric of Makoto’s shirt, he parted his lips, gasping before speaking.

“You too,” he breathed, barely managing to get his words out. Makoto stared up at him, then smiled, letting Kisumi move away. Before he could go too far, though, Makoto’s knee lifted and began rubbing between Kisumi’s legs, making him groan and throw a short, weak glare Makoto’s way.

Managing his escape, Kisumi tugged at the end of Makoto’s sweater in a silent plea, watched as Makoto obediently slipped it off and threw it elsewhere in the room. Taking in the expanse of Makoto’s torso, he licked his lips before he went to kissing at Makoto’s abdomen, settling between the man’s legs. His fingers worked diligently at the belt buckle that blocked him, undoing it and slipping Makoto’s pants down a bit of a ways. Breathing in softly, he glanced up at Makoto, smiling when their eyes met.

“You want me to suck you off, don’t you?”

“K-Kisumi--”

“Just say so and I will… I won’t until you tell me to, though.”

Before Makoto could get a word of reply out, Kisumi began to nuzzle his face against Makoto’s underwear, breathing in the familiar scent that he had so missed. Hearing Makoto groan made a flicker of pride light within his heart, and he felt Makoto’s cock twitch underneath the fabric. Testing the waters, he let his tongue peek out, and he slipped his fingers under the hemline, his nails grazing the sensitive skin.

Makoto trembled, bit down on his lower lip, breathed shallowly. “P-please… Kisumi--”

“Happily.”

Without hesitating, Kisumi pulled the garment down, grabbing Makoto’s shaft and wrapping his lips around the head. The lack of warning made Makoto gasp, then moan, his fingers moving to tangle into Kisumi’s hair. Kisumi didn’t mind at all, his tongue rubbing the slit where precum leaked out, his hand teasingly sliding up and down. It didn’t glide smoothly, felt rough, but that wasn’t anything they couldn’t fix.

Pulling his mouth away, he breathed out again, feeling Makoto twitch in his grasp. Smiling, he began to tease at the underside, his tongue running slowly up it before he moved to kiss at the sides. He let Makoto thrust his hips as need be, but he moved a free hand to press at the man’s hipbone, holding him down and hearing him whine. Knowing that he could make Makoto so desperate felt incredible, something he wanted to take advantage of.

Moving his hand up, twisting his wrist, he thumbed the tip and watched as Makoto’s flushed face shifted between pleasure and ecstasy. It was a lovely sight, really. Parting his lips, he took Makoto into his mouth again, closed his eyes as he began to slowly bob his head. He hummed, took as much of Makoto as he possibly could, feeling tears spring to the corners of his eyes as he laid his tongue flat.

With how Makoto’s whole body shook, he figured he was doing a good enough job. Giving a few harsh sucks that made Makoto whimper and cover his mouth, Kisumi pulled away, a string of saliva still connecting his lips to the tip. Taking in a short breath, he moved down Makoto’s cock again, held it against his cheek as he purred out Makoto’s name, prompted him to look.

When their eyes met, Kisumi’s heart fluttered. The half-lidded look that Makoto gave him made his entire body feel as if it were on fire, and he had to resist the urge to reach down and start touching himself. Smiling, Kisumi gave Makoto’s shaft another squeeze, feeling Makoto twitch again. It was satisfying, definitely.

He tensed when Makoto’s thumb ran over his bottom lip, but he followed the finger, let Makoto pull him into a deep kiss, their tongues sliding together. Kisumi pressed closer, wrapping his arms around Makoto’s neck and moaning when he felt Makoto’s fingers playing with his nipples again, giving them light pinches and twists that absolutely drove Kisumi crazy.

A moment later, Makoto was undoing Kisumi’s belt and sliding his pants down until they were bunched up around his knees. Panting, Kisumi broke the kiss, settled back down on Makoto’s thighs. The way Makoto stared so lovingly at him made his heart race, but he ignored it, his mind going into a haze when Makoto’s hands slipped into the back of his underwear, gripping his ass and squeezing.

“Mako--” He stopped, interrupting himself with a moan that spilled out from him. Rubbing mercilessly at his hole with a finger, Makoto kissed him again, sighing into his mouth.

Letting Makoto toy with him for a while, Kisumi rolled his hips back for more of the sensation, and he quickly realized what he exactly wanted. Putting a hand to Makoto’s chest, his breathing heavy, he sat back and slipped the remaining garments off. Makoto watched, then stood, leaving for only a few short moments that felt like forever to Kisumi.

As soon as he returned, he kissed Kisumi again, long and deep, and Kisumi heard the top to the bottle of lube pop open. The sound made him feel warm, and almost as if it were instinct, he closed his eyes and lay back, spreading his legs apart. It didn’t take long before Makoto’s fingers were rubbing against him again, prodding their way around the ring of muscles. Moaning quietly, letting Makoto know that he was feeling it, Kisumi relaxed, his entire body twitching when one digit slid its way in.

Everything about what they were doing was familiar, but there was something different, too. There was a spark, a little fire that nestled in Kisumi’s stomach and warmed him to his core. He knew what it was, and knowing made the corners of his lips curl up into a smile, tears beginning to fall from his eyes again and slide down his cheeks.

Stopping what he was doing, Makoto stared down at Kisumi, wearing a worried look that made Kisumi giggle. Sitting up on his elbows, Kisumi wiped at his eyes with his wrist, shaking his head. “Sorry.”

“D-does it hurt?” Makoto started, leaning in closer. “Did I do something wrong--”

Silencing him with a kiss, Kisumi put a finger to his lips. “You’re fine, Makoto. I’m crying because I’m happy.” He paused. “Because I love you.”

Makoto didn’t say anything at first, but then he smiled, pressing a kiss of his own to Kisumi’s temple. “I love you, too.”

Not knowing what to say in return, Kisumi nodded shyly, jolting when Makoto pressed a second finger into him without warning. Biting down on his lower lip, Kisumi rolled against the fingers, wrapped his arms around Makoto’s shoulders and quietly whimpered and begged for more.

Makoto obliged, curling both fingers up, pressing them further in and stretching Kisumi open. It felt incredible, but Kisumi couldn’t find his words, only able to let Makoto know through satisfied moans. A wave of pleasure hit him a moment later when the pad of Makoto’s finger pressed hard against his prostate, rubbed it in the way that Makoto knew he loved.

Digging his nails into Makoto’s back, Kisumi’s tilted his head to the side, tightened around the two digits inside of him. Makoto continued the treatment without wavering, massaging him as he pressed his lips to Kisumi’s ear. His breathing was getting heavier, and Kisumi could tell that he was getting impatient, desperate even.

“ _Fuck_ \--” he hissed, toes curling against the floor. “Makoto-- _Makoto…!_ ”

The tip of his cock leaked precum, and he gasped when Makoto suddenly pulled him into his lap again, a third finger slipping inside. Chest rising and falling, Kisumi closed his eyes, moved down on the fingers in heated motions, his cock throbbing as it was pressed between their stomachs.

Makoto didn’t let up, his fingers stroking Kisumi’s walls, teasing his prostate until Kisumi felt that he had to beg for more. Opening his mouth, he breathed in, his hips quivering as Makoto stretched him further open.

“E-enough, already,” he murmured, voice hoarse as he leaned back, cupping Makoto’s cheek. “Let me have you, please--”

His lips were captured in another kiss, Makoto’s fingers leaving him right after. Drool ran down his chin as Makoto sucked softly at his tongue, hands gripping at his ass and spreading him open. Hand trembling, Kisumi broke the kiss and reached for the bottle of lube, coating his palm in it before reaching behind him and grabbing Makoto’s cock. Rubbing up and down, he let Makoto thrust into his hand as he so pleased, his face burying into the crook of Kisumi’s neck as moans left him one after the other.

Giving a gentle squeeze, Kisumi pressed the head to his hole, twitching and rubbing against it without thinking. Makoto trembled underneath him, called out his name in soft groans, his hips twitching. Wanting to tease just a bit more, Kisumi continued rubbing himself against the tip, letting it slip against his hole, though he didn’t press down.

“You want me, right?”

“Y-yes, Kisumi, _please_ …”

A smile crept onto his lips and he nodded, his entire body jolting when he began to sink down on it. Makoto’s grip on him tightened, and Kisumi shuddered, letting Makoto’s cock fill him up until he was all the way in. It was a world of pleasure of the both of them, and they stayed still for a few moments, Makoto’s breathing hot and heavy against Kisumi’s skin.

It didn’t take long for Makoto to start thrusting, though, pleasure coursing through Kisumi’s veins at every movement he made. His head was in a fog, he let the sensations sink in; Makoto’s hands digging into his skin, his cock pressing deeper inside with each twitch of his hips. Gripping Makoto’s shoulders, he began to meet each thrust, sinking further down onto him. Makoto’s nails scratched desperately at Kisumi’s hips, helped him move, their moans and gasps mixing together.

Sitting on Makoto’s thighs, Kisumi slipped his tongue between the man’s parted lips, rolling his hips down and tightening around him. Makoto’s cock swelled, and he began to grind up desperately, forcing Kisumi to break the kiss with a cry.

Then, he slipped out, leaving Kisumi feeling empty and desperate. It didn’t last long, though, Makoto putting a hand to Kisumi’s shoulder and pressing him back down against the floor. Hands balled up into fists, his nails biting into his palms, Kisumi let Makoto hook his legs over his shoulders, and groaned when Makoto was pressing into him again.

There was a rhythm to Makoto’s movements, the slapping of skin on skin filling the air around them, Makoto fucking into him without a second of hesitation between his thrusts. Arching up off the floor, Kisumi moaned, cried out, begged for Makoto to go deeper, faster. Makoto responded eagerly, his hips rocking forward and his cock pressing deeper into Kisumi, harshly rubbing at his prostate and sending him into a hot daze, a warmth pooling in his stomach.

“Mako--!”

His vision was clouded by tears as he writhed in pleasure, letting Makoto grind against him. Everything about this was different, and it was so, _so_ much better than the last. Gnawing on his lower lip, he lifted his arms to wrap around Makoto’s neck, pulling him down until his face was pressed into the man’s chest.

Each movement that Makoto made began to become more erratic, his moans growing louder. Kisumi did his best to silence him, pulling him into a messy, yet passionate, kiss, letting Makoto’s tongue lick against his as their moans melded together. Skin slapping filled Kisumi’s ears again, but Makoto paused. Impatiently, Kisumi clenched around him, earning himself a gasp that was like music to his ears.

“Kisumi--” Makoto breathed, pulling his lips away to mouth at one of the bruises on Kisumi’s neck. He called his name again, and Kisumi responded to each by rolling his hips against Makoto’s cock, making him twitch forward. “I-I’m going to--”

“Inside,” Kisumi interrupted, making Makoto snap his head up with eyes wide. Before he could say anything, Kisumi took him into another kiss, murmuring against his lips. “Please, inside. Come inside, it’s okay. I want it-- Makoto--”

His words served to make Makoto twitch forward again, and the man nodded, his hands sliding to hold Kisumi’s hips in place as he began pounding in again, sliding in deep, hard. He didn’t hold back, continuously whispering Kisumi’s name under his breath, alongside some swears that he didn’t use often. Grabbing for his own cock, Kisumi pumped himself, leaning his head back with moans of his pleasure filling the room.

Moments later, Makoto jolted, a soft cry leaving him, and Kisumi could feel his cum spilling into and filling him. Makoto continued rolling his hips, brushing Kisumi’s hand aside to squeeze at his length instead, rubbing and stroking until Kisumi was trembling with his own orgasm, his seed decorating his stomach and chest.

Their heavy breathing mixed together and Makoto kissed at Kisumi’s forehead, his lips turned up in a smile. Kisumi returned it, shivering when he felt Makoto slip out of him. Makoto didn’t stop there, though, leaning his head down to trail his tongue along Kisumi’s abdomen, kissing at the dips and grooves of his stomach. Kisumi was already feeling sensitive enough, but he didn’t do anything to stop him, relaxing as he felt Makoto’s fingers slide into him. In the glow of it all, Kisumi stayed still as Makoto massaged him again, but he sat up a moment later to lean against Makoto instead.

He sighed when Makoto kissed him again, twitching when he felt Makoto’s fingers leave him and some of the cum inside leak out.

“Was I too rough--”

“Not at all,” Kisumi interrupted, feeling like he seriously needed a shower. “I need to--”

“I want to go again.”

“...Seriously?”

What they had ahead of them would surely be something long and exhausting, but as Makoto kissed him with his soft and swollen lips, Kisumi melted into it, his heart fluttering with a happiness he hadn’t felt in so long.

He was ready for whatever journey they would take. He had been ready for _years_ , actually, and he wasn’t going to back out. He told himself that, no matter what, no matter what hardships overcame them, he would _never_ lose this.

\--

The year bloomed into April, the weather clear and beginning to warm up. Lifting his head from the futon’s pillow and squinting at the light that filtered into the room, Kisumi stayed still before letting his face fall back into the puff of it, sighing out.

Only a month had gone by since their reunion, and in all of his years of life, Kisumi couldn’t quite recall his body aching so much. Makoto’s sex drive was kind of wild, and he didn’t particularly _mind_ that, but the man could go for hours if he so pleased. On top of his basketball exercises, the games he had to play in… Well, he couldn’t really catch much of a break.

Today was his day, though. He had already promised himself the night before that he would spend the entirety of the day alone in his apartment, away from Makoto, away from sports-- A relaxing soak in the tub to soothe his weary muscles that cried out at each movement he made.

Turning his head, he was met with the still sleeping Makoto, a trail of drool coming from the corner of his mouth. His bedhead was awful, too… Smiling, Kisumi sat up on his elbows, feeling Makoto’s arm weighing down on his back. Kisumi put his chin in his palm, moving his other hand to play with the loose strands of hair that stood up each and every way on Makoto’s head. Nose scrunching up, Makoto shifted and squirmed, but soon relaxed again.

Waking up next to the love of his life each morning… He had done it before. But waking up to the love of his life each morning and knowing that the feelings were _returned_ … It felt sensational. Not being able to hold back his giddy grin, he leaned over and pressed his lips to Makoto’s cheek with a _smeck_.

“Makoto, I’m going to leave soon~. If you want to tell me goodbye, you have to get up~.”

A low whine came from Makoto’s throat and he grunted a few times, but moments later, his eyes were fluttering open, glazed over. Blinking, he met Kisumi’s smile with one of his own, slipping a hand to the nape of Kisumi’s neck and pulling him into a kiss.

“Good morning,” he mumbled, his voice tired and tiny. It made Kisumi’s heart flutter.

“Good morning,” he repeated, claiming another kiss before he moved to get up, crawling around to search for his discarded clothes that were piled together with Makoto’s. “Did you hear me? I’m going to leave--”

He jumped and squeaked when he felt Makoto press a kiss to his bare rear, and his face bloomed into what he could only assume was a magnificent red. Turning his head, he glared at Makoto, brows furrowed and lower lip jutted out in a pout.

“No.”

“But--”

“You’ve run me dry, Makoto~. My poor body can’t take it anymore~. Woe is me, right?”

Slipping on his underwear before Makoto could get a second chance, Kisumi stuck his tongue out and reached for his pants, standing to get them on. Makoto watched helplessly, his head falling back against the pillow in defeat.

After his shirt was pulled on over his head, Kisumi stretched his arms up, hearing his joints pop in different places. Sighing, he looked down to Makoto. “I’ll text you when I get home, okay?”

“You don’t have class today, right?” Makoto mumbled, and Kisumi smiled at him, holding back a laugh when he saw the pathetic pout he wore. “Stay here.”

“I’d love to,” he hummed, stepping over Makoto’s body as he went to grab his bag. “But I know what it would lead to if I did~.” Slinging it over his shoulder, he glanced down at his feet, pursing his lips as he leaned down and tossed Makoto’s underwear to him. “You’re indecent right now. Hurry up and get dressed before one of your nice old lady neighbors comes asking for sugar~.”

Smiling to himself when he heard Makoto huff at the comment, he moved to slip on his sandals, jumping when Makoto wrapped his arms around him from behind. It was a sweet gesture, something that should have made Kisumi melt, but he grimaced instead and began to struggle.

“What’s wrong?”

“Your dick is poking me~. How vulgar~. What happened to my sweet Makoto from middle school?”

“Kisumi…”

Giggling, Kisumi escaped his grip, hand on the doorknob. “I’ll be going--”

Before he could finish his sentence, Makoto put a hand on his shoulder, turning him around until their lips met. His heart fluttered, and he wanted to go back for more when Makoto pulled away, wearing his tender smile that always made Kisumi feel weak in the knees.

“Have a good day,” he mumbled. “I love you.”

This was different from usual. Never had the air around them felt so… Domestic. Like a young married couple starting their lives together. Staring at Makoto with wide eyes, any words he wanted to say died on his lips as he felt his cheeks flare up. Covering his face, he pressed his back to the door and slid down it with a heavy, exasperated sigh.

“Makoto… Why do you have to be like that…”

“Be like what?” Ah, the innocent act… Peeking out from between his fingers, Kisumi watched as Makoto crouched in front of him, a smile playing at his lips. “It amazes me… Who would have thought that Shigino Kisumi, the biggest flirt of our generation, could get so flustered from just a kiss… You always seemed to take everything so easily--”

“It’s _not_ just the kiss,” Kisumi interrupted, his tone more whiny than he intended. “It’s because it’s _you_ who’s doing it--”

He hadn’t meant to tell Makoto that, but now that it was out in the open, he couldn’t very well take it back. Heart racing, he groaned into his hands, not daring to look at Makoto. He knew that if he did, he wouldn’t want to leave. There was no way he would be able to--”

Jolting when he felt Makoto’s fingers wrap around his wrists, he allowed his hands to be pulled away slowly, and their eyes met. The other was blushing to the tips of his ears, wearing a dopey, lovesick smile that Kisumi wanted to kiss right off of him. He absolutely adored that look, but he found himself speechless. He was positive that Makoto was, too.

Leaning in closer, Makoto’s breath ghosted over his lips, making him shake as his stomach filled with butterflies.

“Kisumi…”

“W-what…”

Makoto paused, hesitated, and then, his lips curled up into a smile.

“What would you do if I kissed you right now?”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading! I had a good time writing this, and I hope it shows through! KisuMako is a wonderful pairing~.  
> Comments and kudos are very much appreciated!  
> (Big thanks to Tonkatsu and Mic!)


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